2012 Wrap-Up

Hello, blog. It's been quite a while. I've neglected you in 2012, but I've been doing lots in that time. Here are some of the best of the best of 2012:

• The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee had an amazing three show run to sold out performances, receptive audiences, and huge laughs. It's a show I'm incredibly proud to say I was a part of.
• I read The Fault in Our Stars by John Green which actually changed my life. Not to mention I met John and Hank (as well as a few other awesome nerdfighters) in what would be one of the best nights of my life.
• I spent an evening in West Hollywood with four of my best friends laughing, eating, and being ridiculous.
• I said goodbye to one of the best teachers I've ever had, who now lives in Brazil with her husband and her new baby.
• I found where Santa hides his cottage when it isn't Christmas time.
• I took the SAT for the first and last time.
• Bonded with all the Comedy Sportz newbies in a million and one ways- but mostly watching Star Wars, eating In-N-Out, and jamming in the One Direction party car.
• I saw The Hunger Games at midnight with all of my amazing friends, and about three hours later left for a weekend at the California State Thespian Festival, which was somehow simultaneously horrible and amazing.
• I got my driver's license. Needless to say that changed my life for the better.
• I was in Little Shop of Horrors, and although the show itself was... interesting... the cast was amazing and I bonded with so many people because of that ridiculous experience.
• I traveled independently to Cincinnati to visit my best friend since I was an infant and had an amazing weekend with her followed by a trip to Georgia to attend a phenomenal performing arts leadership conference.
• I cut off most of my hair. I still haven't really decided if I like my hair cut, and this was seven months ago.
• I spent my first ever summer at Ramah, and I had such an amazing experience that I'm glad to say I'm going back this summer.
• I had that weird last first day of school experience that all seniors must have.
• I saw a lot of amazing theatre- including but not limited to Mary Poppins and The Book of Mormon, two of the best musicals I've ever seen.
• I turned seventeen. I still tell people I'm sixteen because I forget that it happened.
• I got pied onto varsity of Comedy Sportz with two of my best friends and favorite people.
• I went to DTASC- which like ITS was both amazing and horrible. However, I got to act in an AMAZING scene with one of my favorite people and written by an amazing person.
• I directed a musical, which is still kind of weird to say.
• I got an iPhone, which is way more important and less trivial than it sounds.
• I got to be a part of two amazing drama boards that have changed our theatre department for the better.
• I saw Les Miserables twice, and was blown away both times.
• I participated in Friendship Circle winter camp, which is always an amazing experience.

And, like always, the best part of 2012 was becoming closer to old friends, making new ones, and spending time with the people I love. 

Insomnia and Rereading

The other day I mentioned something to my friend Jeremy about having a book light, to which he responded, "You read at night?" to which I affirmed that I do and he said, "You're one of those people."

Um. Okay.

I've been a night reader my entire life. I was much better at night reading when I was little and I didn't have a laptop next to my bed to distract me from all things non-laptop related, but I love reading and I love reading at night and being able to come to school the next day and say that between 9:00 P.M. and 3:00 A.M. I read an entire novel. And I never feel like I didn't get sleep. Reading an amazing book is invigorating. I never get that feeling from watching movies. Sometimes I'll stay up late watching a movie and I'll feel my eyelids start to droop, no matter how interesting the movie is, and when I wake up I usually regret the decision. But reading isn't like that.

When I was a younger pseudo-intellectual snob than I am now I really frowned upon the process of rereading. I thought that rereading a beloved book over and over again was a waste of time and a blatant avoidance of all the other amazing books that a person was yet to read. Now that I'm older, when I do have the chance to read a book outside of school, I find myself yearning to reread. I miss the characters I grew to love and the feeling I get from reading particular stories.

My sophomore year we did an exercise in my theatre class that was invented by this super important theatre teacher named Uta Hagen. Th exercise was simple- to do something that you do by yourself every single day. Most everyone in the class did homework, but I chose reading. I particularly chose to read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I have three favorite sections of the book that I used to flip to for a Harry Potter fix and I sat on a couch and read them in front of my class. My mom used to tell me that I made weird faces when I read and that I move my lips along with the story. My theatre teacher told me that she could see my face light up with emotion at the different parts of the book. I think they're two different ways of saying the same thing.

It's past 2 A.M. I have school tomorrow. I'm not tired at all. I have reading to do for class. I know I should sleep, but I just can't.

The Calm Before the Storm

Senior year thus far has been relatively... calm. In comparison to my other first days of school my stress level has been incredibly low. Let's take a stroll down memory lane, shall we?

The first day of freshman year was so exciting and I remember really enjoying myself. I was very nervous and anxious for high school but for the most part everything was easier than I thought it would be. I was also proud of myself because a lot of my friends cried on the first day of high school and I didn't.

The first day of sophomore was easy. I knew the school, I had friends in all my classes, and at the time it seemed like I had a great year ahead of me. Sophomore year is a really awkward year on campus, you aren't an upperclassman but at the same time you're older than a freshman. But on my first day of school I had a decent level of confidence.

The first day of junior year (actually, the first three days of junior year) I came home and cried hysterically because my teachers scared the living shit out of me.

I've been a senior for two days and everything has been very easy... too easy. I don't know if my brain is blocking the reality of the impending doom that is the stress of senior year, but I'm honestly not scared. Millions and millions of people have survived their senior year. So far it seems like I'm on the right track.

Well... I guess we'll see what happens. I'll try to keep you all updated. If you didn't catch on, I think I'm going to try and write every single day of my senior year. I contemplated a variety of different ways to chronicle my meager existence. I wanted to take a picture every single day but I already didn't take a picture on the first day of school so I guess that's out the window. I considered video blogging for the bajillionth time, but I ultimately decided I don't have the time commitment to make a good YouTube channel. People that vlog every day are usually full time YouTubers who have dedicated their lives to creating online content. I just want to be able to look back on memories.

So, I returned to the old blog. Writing is how I express myself best, I think.

Cuts and Bruises on the Last First Day

As a little kid, I constantly had cuts, scrapes, and bruises all over my legs. A combination of mild eczema and a klutziness that has followed me into young adulthood meant my legs were never in pristine condition. However, most little kids are like that. Kids get hurt and are resilient and those playground scrapes are often how we learn not to sweat the small stuff.

However, for the past six years or so, I've been too old to hang out with the playground crowd and my legs have been more or less unharmed. Except for the occasional cut from shaving (a malady I never experienced during the playground years), I rarely made use of band aids or Neosporin. 

This summer, however, I spent nine weeks as a counselor at sleepaway camp. My legs took a beating. Aside from the cuts and bruises that are simply an occupation hazard of camp counselor-dom, I also was eaten alive by bugs. This isn't an odd occurrence at camp. No one expects you to be beautiful at summer camp. Obviously we don't walk around like slobs, but if you're legs are covered in battle wounds from the never ending war with bugs, you're probably in the majority.

Today I started my senior year of high school. I wore shorts and my bug bite ridden legs were visible for all to see. I wasn't self-conscious per say, just hyper aware of the fact that no one else had legs like mine. Although I was on some level aware of the fact that today was my thirteenth and last first day of school with the people I have spent my entire life with, I was completely conscious of the fact that I was no longer with the people I had spent nine weeks of my life with. Camp is over, and I have to say being campsick is a pretty  terrible feeling. 

I started this blog in sixth grade. I'm a senior in high school. How time flies. 

Crying Guilt

I'm a pretty emotional person, but I used to be way worse. If you've read any of my blog entries from about the first year and a half of blogging, a pretty common phrase was probably, "and then I cried." Middle school sucked and it was one of those horrible times where a lot of bad things happen at once and I was also, you know, a hormonal pre-teen, so I didn't exactly have my emotions in check.

Going into high school I decided I was going to stop crying in public. Six out of thirteen of my middle school teachers had seen my cry, which is under 50% but some of them saw my cry more than once. Anyway, it was still six too many. I didn't want my high school reputation to be that I cried a lot, and for the first semester of high school I didn't cry at school once. Second semester I did, but it was one of those days where every little thing just goes wrong and even though each individual thing only sucks a little bit, all of the little things together just creates this colossal pile of suck you have to deal with. And then you cry.

Since then I've cried on campus a few more times. I haven't counted or anything absurd like that. However, since then I've also developed this strange feeling of guilt whenever I cry. I don't know if high school has given me some profound sense that my problems don't matter, but whenever I'm crying and my problems aren't quite big enough to take over my brain, I always think that I don't deserve to cry. I have, overall, a pretty good life. I have it harder than some and I've had to grow up faster than most kids my age (I can't believe I just said that) but compared to the vast majority of individuals I have a very, very easy life.

So then I'm struck by this crippling guilt that I'm crying about a bad grade or a bad audition or a fight with a friend or my mom yelling at me when there are people that are sick or hungry or homeless or friendless or even worse unimaginable things and they might not even be crying.

And then I sit in my bed and listen to "I Don't Want to Live on the Moon" from Sesame Street over and over again.

Happy birthday to Clark Gable, Langston Hughes, Jerry Spinelli, Meg Cabot, and Heather Morris.

I misplaced my poetry anthology and I really want to find it. Like Hazel Grace Lancaster, I prefer reading poetry to writing it.

I Was Going to Title This New Semester Resolutions But Apparently I've Done That Before

I am officially over the halfway mark of junior year! *does a happy dance in the corner*

First semester finals were Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday (except I didn't have any on Friday) and I ended the semester with the best GPA I've ever had (I don't like to brag, and I won't cause I don't have too). But, there is always room for improvement and so that means it's time for New Semester's Resolutions. I think I will have one for each class. I just decided this now. Here we go...

English: Actually read and annotate all assigned readings.

Chemistry: Try, just try, to pay attention. Maybe take notes?

Choir: Practice music at home, don't text during sectionals.

Theatre: Be more enthusiastic about working, even when I hate what I'm working on.

History: DO THE READING IN ADVANCE AND TAKE NOTES. This is my most important resolution.

Math: Do the HW when it's assigned, go to math tutoring more often.

Psychology: Do the reading and take notes during class.

Hebrew: Be less grumpy.

I think these are good resolutions. I don't have much time to write because I'm going to bed very soon. I'd just like to inform you that I've gotten very good at sticking to resolutions. For example, Monday-Thursday I do not social network or watch TV. It helps me so much, I actually do my homework and go to bed on time. It's really awesome. There are three resolutions I can never keep, and those are the following:

1. Not procrastinating. Even with the lack of social networking in my life, I still don't do any assignments unless they're do tomorrow. I try to stop, but I can't. I thrive under pressure anyway.

2. Keeping my room clean. When I get home from rehearsals/Hebrew/community service I'm so tired. I just flop onto bed, do my homework, through my books on the floor, through my clothes on the floor, put on my pajamas (fresh from the floor) and go into my warm unmade bed. Sometimes I clean on the weekends but I'm a busy girl. It's just not a priority.

3. Exercising. Mainly because I hate it with a fiery passion. It just brings me no pleasure or sense of achievement. I don't buy that bullshit about running releasing endorphins- it just isn't true. The only thing my body releases during exercise is sweat and low self-esteem.

So those are my goals and not goals for this semester. If I achieve my school goals I'll move on to the three Impossible Goals as they will now be referred to (the capital letters are important). Oh! I also want to write more. This blog post is apart of that. I'm also considering entering a short story contest... if I decide to I'll tell you about that.

Happy birthday to Sir Francis Bacon, Grigori Rasputin, D.W. Griffith, George Balanchine, and Balthazar Getty.

Well, I'm going to sleep. I went swimming tonight (it's January and I live in Southern California, so it's not weird) and I am freaking tired.

The Best Things That Happened to Me in 2011

Overall, I have to say 2011 was pretty successful. Here's why:

• I became friends with nineteen other theatregoistic teens through Center Theatre Group's Student Advisory Committee, and in the process learned so much and had an amazing time.
• I became incredibly close to the best English class and teacher ever. No class will ever live up to English II Honors Period 3, 2010-2011.
• I made a tumblr, which ended up being way too much fun.
• Sammy and I went to the gym to try Zumba.... once.
• I saw Avenue Q with my dad and two of my best friends, and it was the funniest musical I've ever seen.
• Along with three of my best friends, I sang in front of about 600 people in the final round of a group musical theatre competition, and I had an AMAZING time.
• Daniel Radcliffe sang and dance on Broadway. I know, not technically me, but still important.
• I spent an amazing weekend at the beach with some of my oldest and closest friends. Oldest as in we've been friends for a long time, not as in literally old.
• Tina Fey and Emily Deschanel both had babies. Also not me, but still awesome.
• I became a nerdfighter and was welcomed into a community that would literally change my life and the way I think about the world.
• I got a four on my AP Euro test. A FOUR!
• I got into mixed choir.
• I was elected treasurer of drama club.
• The book Paper Towns changed my outlook in everything.
• I taught myself how to be amazing at Tetris.
• I got my learner's permit and learned how to drive.
• I spent another amazing weekend at the beach and learned so much from my amazing Hebrew High friends and one of the greatest teachers I've ever head, and later that year I cried (four times in one evening) the last time I saw her before she moved to Brazil.
• I failed to pull an all-nighter, but still had a great time, at Relay for Life.
• Daniel Radcliffe presented a Tony Award to Sutton Foster. It made my life.
• My friends and I choreographed a dance to a medley of songs from Hercules. It was needless to say pretty awesome.
• Anne Brashares came out with a fifth Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants book.
• I became Pottermore beta... which was ultimately a huge disappointment, but was momentarily awesome.
• I pre-ordered The Fault in Our Stars.
• I cried many, many times over the ending of the Harry Potter series, but was thrilled with how amazing the film turned out and made so many great memories to go with it.
• I had another great summer at the Friendship Circle camp.
• I went to the beach on Nicki's birthday and laughed so much in one day it was ridiculous.
• I spent the most magical week of my life at Walt Disney World with my family.
• Between sophomore and junior year I got to be educated by the best English, history, and math teachers I've ever had.
• I got onto the Comedy Sportz team with the best newbies ever.
• I had a non-cursed sweet sixteen.
• I was on the best scavenger hunt team ever, the Flaming Spaniards.
• I had the time of my life with my best friends at Faux-coming.
• I went to a simply fantastic tea party.
• I read The Hunger Games series and absolutely LOVED all three books.
• I had the biggest and most challenging role I've ever had in the best show I've ever performed in, All My Sons.
• I saw my best friend dance the lead in The Nutcracker and was with her when one of the greatest dancers of our generation signed her pointe shoes.
• I found out I'm going to meet John and Hank Green on January 26.
• I got to help a musical come together in three weeks.

But the absolute best thing that happened to me in 2011 was that I made friends in the most unexpected of ways and I'm now so close to people I would never have ever thought I'd even be friends with. Here's to another great year in 2012.

An Open Letter to the Cast of All My Sons

Dear Alexandra, Evan, CiCi, Hunter, Kathy, Kyle, Matt, Max, Melanie, Nitzan, Ryan, Sammy, Sarah, Shaq, Sydney, Tyler, and the crew (there are too many crew members to name),

I know I was always the first person to complain when it came to All My Sons. Honestly, at first I didn't even want to audition, but I am so glad that I did. I'm not even exaggerating when I say that I've never had more fun with a cast- I've had a great time with each and every one of you over this nearly three month process.

As you guys saw in my paper plate award tonight, this show hasn't been the easiest for me. Rehearsals have been tough but having all of you there is more than I can ever ask for. As corny as it is, this cast is a family and I know I'm not the only one that felt that. So many people went through so much during the long three months where we spent nearly every single day after school together, and without the show we wouldn't necessarily have had each other to help.

There were people in this show that I barely knew before we were cast that I'm now best friends with. I don't think it's humanly possible for me to love a cast more and I couldn't be prouder of all of you. We worked really hard and it paid off.

To those of you who I'm working on Spelling Bee with, I'll see you on Monday. And to the rest of you, I sincerely hope this won't be our last show together. You're all amazing.

Love,

Stephanie

P.S. I guess All My Sons is cancelled this year!

Worried

I'm sensitive. Anyone that knows me know that. And by that I don't mean that I cry when people offend me, if that was true I wouldn't have any friends. I'm sensitive to other people's thoughts and feelings. This causes me to worry. A lot.

I mean, I worry about myself too. My friend Julie and I spent probably 45 minutes yesterday talking about something we're worried about... that's in February. But what I'm talking about is how I worry about other people, whether I know them or not. Today I found out my empath quotient, which is graded on a scale of 1 to 80. The average woman gets about a 47. I got 62, which is somewhere on the border of above average and unusually high.

Being an empath has often put me in the situation where I'm the friend that people can go to for anything, which in turn puts me in the situation of knowing things I can't tell anyone. And although I don't really mind being that person and I love that my friends can trust me, but I do bear a constant emotional weight on my shoulders. I'm not complaining, exactly. I've just had an emotionally exhaustive week. Let's just say, on Wednesday night alone I cried four times because my old teacher got married and is moving to Brazil.

My friends tease me for being emotional, but it used to be so much worse. When I went to high school I made a resolution to stop crying in front of people, and I didn't until January of that school year. Now I do so sparingly, which is still probably more than most people. Oh, well. Better out than in as I always say (name that movie quote).

The fact that I'm so open with my emotions has probably greatly contributed to the fact that two of my favorite things are writing and acting. Go figure.

This is getting increasingly ramble-y and I don't really remember what I intended to write about. I titled this entry "Worried." Probably because I am.

Happy birthday to Jeff Bridges, Fred Armisen, Tyra Banks, and Orlando Brown.

I have too much to do.

November 9

I've come to the conclusion that it's impossible not to like history. People say they don't like history because it's boring or unimportant or whatever stupid reason they come up with, but it's impossible to genuinely hate everything about history. Here's why.

Everything is history. Everything has history and everything is slowly fading into history as we say it or write it or do it. This blog in some contexts can be considered a historical document. It's a primary source depicting how a very odd sixteen year old female felt about things in the year 2011. Is it reliable? Well, you found it on the internet, so it must be trustworthy.

Anyway, I was thinking about how through studying history you study everything else too. Not necessarily to your fullest ability, but to understand any given time period we don't just try to understand their politicians and their wars, but we need to understand their literature and art, their discoveries and scientific advancements... we basically need to understand as much as we can. There is no facet of any given culture that isn't touched by current events and doesn't have an effect on it's world, everything is important. Because I have this knowledge it really bothers me how little I know. Even though I act like I do, I don't know everything. I learn knew things every day. Today I learned about comedia del arte at Elizabeth's show. Yesterday I learned that at the end of "I Got Life" from Hair, they're saying, "Amen," and not "Gay men."

Anyway, as a student and lover of history I noticed something interesting about Wednesday's date: November 9. I'm not one to deliberately memorize dates, but sometimes they tend to stick out in my mind (i.e. July 14 is Bastille Day, November 11 is Armistice Day, August 24 is John Green's birthday, etc.). Two dates corresponded to November 9: Kristallnacht and the fall of the Berlin Wall.

Kristallnacht took place on November 9-10, 1938 and was the deliberate alienation of Jews in Germany, Austria, and the Sudetenland. The Nazi's used the evening as an opportunity to place more targets on the backs of the innocent and to wrangle support from fearful and desperate followers. Hitler used it just as he used all his other political moves, as a means to get one step closer to total imperialism.

51 years later, on November 9-10, 1989, the Berlin Wall that was put in place post World War II to keep the political ideas of the East and the West from mixing , inspiring new thought, and allowing freedom. The wall's fall in 1989 symbolized the end of the Cold War, with freedom winning.

That's one of the many things I love about history. Odd coincidences. I love 'em. I love them and I love random facts and the great people and the unexplained occurrences. I love when people do things that no one saw coming. I love when a few small things effected the entire world. Because nothing's small.

I think maybe another reason people don't like history is because it's scary. There's really nothing scarier then what man can do. A possible exception being the bubonic plague. That shit's horrifying. But anyway, when we look back and see how much destruction and pain man has caused, it's actually terrifying. People do horrible things for horrible reasons. But that fear is the problem. We can't view the past as a series of mistakes that cause trepidation towards the future and prevent us from moving on. We should look at the past because within it are our answers. We can see all the mistakes that we should never make again and all of the tried and true solutions that can be applied to modern situations. They say that history repeats itself, but the phrase always has such a negative connotation when, if only we could repeat the positive things, it could mean great things.

And this is the part of the blog that's going to sound absurdly naive and hopeful and optimistic, but I feel like at least the good guys always win. And I know that the winners get to write history, but I find that it would be pretty hard to spin the story so that the Axis winning World War II would be good or that the Confederacy winning the Civil War would be good or that it would be great if everyone was still colonies of a few countries thousands of miles away. You know?

So, that's my corny view on history. I love it. It's beautiful. It's really important to me that I remember the past. After all, we are only a product of our memories.

Happy birthday to Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Karl Marx, Grace Kelly, Megan Mullally, Neal Shusterman, Tonya Harding, Ryan Gosling, Anne Hathaway, and one of my best friends in the entire world, Sophie.

This blog. What am I gonna do?

I'm gonna go watch HP7p2 and cry.

It's Been a Long Couple of Weeks

I miss this blog. I don't see you enough.

As the title implies, my weeks have been long recently. Stressful and scary and sad and altogether not good. This is going to be mostly a bit of reflection on my part, and definitely more depressing then what I usually choose to write about, but here it goes.

On Monday after fourth period, already thoroughly depressed by a movie I watched about the slave trade, I walked out of class to find out that my friend's boyfriend took his own life.

The shock I felt upon hearing the news was indescribable, and I can't even imagine how his parents and close friends felt. I hadn't known him personally, we went to Hebrew School together when we were little. I know him best as that guy I had to pretend to be married too for a Hebrew School play. It was very embarrassing for my approximately 10 year old self.

However, I still felt the pang of a loss. It was a loss to the community and a loss to my friend. The feeling is completely indescribable.

The following evening a candlelight memorial was held in the main quad at my school. The same event was used to honor two other students, one died of an accidental alcohol-related incident and another committed suicide a few weeks earlier. The memorial was one of the most painful events I've ever attended. Hearing the cries of a mother whose son is no longer with us is something that no one should ever have to experience. I felt guilty for sobbing over bad grades and fights with my parents. Those weren't real tears. The tears of the boys' mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, girlfriends, friends, classmates, and teachers were.

It's hard to think about the things people said. The speeches given by loved ones were emotionally stirring and hard to listen too. Wax from the candle I was holding melted all over my shoes, and I can't bring myself to clean them. It's a reminder of the things I heard.

If one positive thing can come from these horrible tragedies, it is that we can learn that every action we choose to take affects someone else. The harsh words we say, sometimes jokingly, mean something, but so do the kind ones. Words of kindness and friendship are the best things we can offer to anyone. Sometimes people put on a brave face and act like they're okay, but oftentimes the bravest ones are those who are the most sad. Be there for them. Let them know that they aren't alone. And if you have any suspicion that they might hurt themselves, or even take their own life, tell an adult.

That's pretty much all I have to say right now. I have to go make people laugh, which is probably one of the best things I can do right now. Just.... love everybody. That's what I'm trying to do.

I was born on October 11, and YOU were born on October 11!

I wasn't actually born on October 11. As previously discussed, I was born on October 9. But in the movie The Parent Trap starring Lindsay Lohan as twins separated at birth, Hallie and Annie, they were born on October 11. I just needed a creative title.

Speaking of dates with significance, my history teacher told us about this historian who took his family on vacations by traveling the path that Lewis and Clark took across the West while reading Merriwether Lewis's journals on the corresponding dates in which they were written. That sentence exemplifies proper grammar.... Anyway, although I suppress my amazement in my history class due to the fact that I am usually about to fall asleep, I am genuinely really impressed by this historian's family vacation. When I was younger I loved reading these books from a series called Dear, America. These books were all historical fiction diaries from the point of view of girls in various periods of America's past, and I always wanted to read them on the corresponding dates in which they were written. However, since they were library books, I didn't want to keep checking them out over and over again. Also, sometimes the character would go a while without writing, and I would get impatient and want to keep reading. So even though in theory I would have liked to read along with the writing, if you will, logistically it wasn't going to work out.

Another interesting thing about history is that things happened more slowly. For example, the farther back we go in history our dates get less specific, which can be attributed to a lack of accurate information, but it can also be attributed to the fact that information didn't travel fast in that time. People didn't find out about current events (that would later become historical events) until well after they happened, and nowadays we can communicate so quickly people know when things happen in real time.

I shall now go off on a tangent. Actually, I'm going off on a sine divided by cosine. I may have learned identities today in pre-calculus. My math teacher may have laughed maniacally before he told us what we were learning today.

Anyway, I love sweater weather. I really, really, really love it, and my birthday weekend was perfect because of it, and last week it rained which was very nice. But tomorrow it is going to be 100 degrees. And people wonder why I hate California weather. Yeah, all two and a half of our seasons are nice (season one: really hot, season two: that amazing weather where you can decide whether or not you feel like putting a cardigan on over your tank top, and the half season: chilly on California standards), but they are so unpredictable and sporadic. Thus is the state of the world these days.

I really want to live somewhere with four seasons. Leaves ample for jumping into (while wearing sweaters) in the fall, a perfect blanket of powdery white snow in the winter, a plethora of fresh flowers with the occasional fall of rain in the spring, and a dry, hot, perfect for swimming summer. Is that too much to ask?

You know what is especially perfect about my perfect weather systems? Each one of them has a different place for me to read a book. In the fall I can read on my porch or indoors in a big comfy chairs, in the winter there is nothing better than curling up with a down comforter and hot chocolate, in the spring I can read on the window seat while I wait for the rain to stop, and in the summer I can read underneath the perfect shady tree.

Three of those four locations don't exist in my house. I don't have a porch, a window seat, or a large shady tree. I do have a down comforter, but I don't have winter. Sometimes I pretend I do, though. I just miss reading. I love reading. Books books books books books.

Happy birthday to Emily Davison (look her up on Wikipedia if you don't know who she is), Eleanor Roosevelt, Jerome Robbins, Daryl Hall, Joan Cusack, Jane Krakowski, Emily Deschanel, and Michelle Trachtenberg.

Just go back and read that sentence again. I think it's necessary to your existence.

I want to go on a trip and read a book.

How to be Sixteen

Now that I have completed my first official day of being sixteen, I think it would be appropriate to compile a list of things I did today (well, technically yesterday). So, here are my suggestions of some things to do when you are sixteen, loosely based on things I have done in the time since I have stopped being fifteen:

• Watch Breakfast at Tiffany's
• Sleep
• Eat chocolate chip pancakes
• Watch the Travel Channel compulsively
• Bathe
• Cry. Only once though.
• Be visited by Elizabeth
• Go to the mall
• At the mall, buy clothing, Toms, and a chocolate croissant
• Wait while Mom buys a coffee maker
• Clean room
• Well, start cleaning room....
• Spend time with my Friendship Circle buddy
• Go to one of those cool Japanese restaurants where they cook the food on the table
• Have cake
• Receive wonderfully sweet and well thought out gifts from friends and family members
• Obsessively respond to birthday greeting wall posts on Facebook
• Watch random episodes of iCarly
• Avoid homework at all costs
• Write in a blog

So, if you're sixteen and can't think of anything to do, I hope that the list I compiled has some worthwhile suggestions. It made for a pretty decent birthday, if I do say so myself.

Happy birthday on October 9 to Joseph Friedman, John Lennon, Sharon Osborne, Tony Shalhoub, Steven Burns, and Sean Lennon, and on October 10 to Helen Hayes, Jodi Benson, and Mario Lopez.

Last week I had a dream that junior year was over. You can imagine my disappointment when I woke up..

I'm Cheating on Drama Club

So you know how I'm the treasurer of drama club? Oh, you didn't? I could have sworn I told you... I'm 99% sure I did. Well, I am. I love drama club with all my heart and I've been putting so much into it. But, like over 11% of married relationships, my monogamous relationship with drama club doesn't fulfill all of my needs, and I recently decided to look elsewhere. English Honors Society.

Allow me to explain. One of the traits that I possess that most of the other drama club members do not is that I'm a complete and total nerd. Don't get me wrong, I love theatre and I'm a total drama geek, but I've became an English nerd no less than a year after I fell in love with musicals. To quote Thomas Jefferson, one of the nerdiest of all our English nerd presidents, "I could not live without books." In English on Friday we had to do a quick write on what life would be like if we couldn't read, and I determined that I would be an unhappy person. So much of my joy in life comes from reading and writing and I couldn't imagine not having experienced Hogwarts, Narnia, Frell, or any of the other places books have transported me, whether they be real or not. Books have taught me about myself and about other people and have quite literally changed my life.

As a member of EHS I hope to share that joy with like-minded others and also with the students I will tutor through the program. I signed up to tutor for kids in my sophomore English teacher's class (because I miss my sophomore English teacher, A LOT) and I am beyond excited. I really feel passionately that being able to read and write well can open so many doors for people, and if I can help people who aren't strong in those areas then that would make me very happy.

Another reason I was motivated to join EHS is because I didn't know it existed. Our school's Math Honors Society is HUGE and has many, many tutors who have helped me study for many, many math tests. I didn't know there was an English Honors Society, and obviously I didn't know that they tutored. I ran for office in the club because I think it's important that people know our school has a resource where they can be tutored in English for free and by a peer. I interviewed for the position of historian (and I'm not 100% sure what that means...) and I got it! Tomorrow morning I'm going in to talk to the co-presidents about it and I'm really excited.

As busy as my life is, most of the things that are making it busy are really exciting. For example, today I went driving again! And for the first time since my horrendous first lesson, I drove over 40 miles per hour. And I didn't kill anyone or hit any other cars!

OH MY GOSH I JUST THOUGHT OF A BRILLIANT ANALOGY. SORRY THE CAR TALK IS OVER NOW.

There are three organizations that I'm really passionate about. Those are drama club, English Honors Society, and the Friendship Circle (which, in case I don't talk about it enough, is an organization where I volunteer with special needs kids and teens). I've assumed leadership positions in all of those organizations (well, I applied for one at Friendship Circle, and I haven't heard back yet, but knowing my track record with FC... well, we'll see) and I think I can pinpoint how each of them affect me.

English Honors Society feeds my brain. It allows me to use my own intelligence to help others and to challenge myself to work harder and live up to the expectations set by being an officer of the club. Drama club is for my heart. Theatre is what I love more than almost anything and being able to perform and create opportunities for others to perform, tech, or support theatre arts makes me beyond happy. The friendship circle elevates my soul. By putting others before myself and truly throwing myself into the mitzvah, I am a part of something bigger than myself.

The pure cheese and corn of that last paragraph is making me smile. I really love what I do. As stressed out as I am, at least I have these things that make me happy and at the same time allow me to become a better person.

Happy birthday to Mahatma Gandhi, Groucho Marx, Donna Karan, Annie Liebovitz, Sting, Kelly Ripa, and Camilla Belle.

Speaking of birthdays, a week from today is my sweet sixteen. Is it weird that all I really want from that day is a new pair of Toms? The ones I got for my birthday last year got ruined after wearing them to Walt Disney World for a week.

Feeling Sentimental

Guess what guys? Okay, you aren't going to guess so I'll just tell you.

I got cast in a show! I'm not going to go into great detail about the circumstances behind the audition, because it's pretty complicated, but I am going to play Sue Bayliss in Arthur Miller's All My Sons. I guess it will be fun.

I auditioned for All My Sons on September 13, 2011. This date doesn't have any real significance (except that it's Bella Swan's birthday in Twilight [the fact that I remember that scares me], except that it is exactly two years and six months after March 13, 2009. And March 13, 2009 was the day The Music Man closed, and The Music Man was the last show I have performed in. The day the All My Sons process began was exactly two years and six months after The Music Man ended.

Going into high school I didn't plan on being involved in theatre at all. I wanted to focus on my grades and I felt the theatre program at my high school was too competitive; I didn't feel like I would be talented enough to get into anything. So freshman year I didn't try out for a single show (I tried out for the improv team, but that didn't work out). I still took theatre class and sang in choir but I was too scared to audition for anything- I didn't even consider it an option. And I hated it. I hated not being in shows more than anything. So sophomore year I decided I would start auditioning for things again.... and let's just say it didn't go well. I didn't get into the advanced choir, I didn't get into my school's improv team, and I didn't get into the fall play. I wasn't able to try out for the murder mystery (I was out of town for a big chunk of the rehearsal process) and I couldn't be in the musical (the show closed three days before the AP Euro test). My self esteem took a trip down the toilet and I missed performing more than anything. I was slightly bitter and immature. So, where did these two years of doing nothing get me?

Well, I'm now a junior. I'm the treasurer of drama club, I'm in the advanced theatre class and the advanced choir. I just got cast in the fall play and I got onto the improv team. Although I'm stressed beyond belief about school but I've never had more fun in high school than I'm having now. I love being a theatre person and being a part of this community.

And this is going to sound extremely dorky but I made a chart on my computer so that at the end of the school year I can figure out how many hours I've spent doing theatre related activities (excluding classes, drama club, drama board meetings, and practicing on my own). It's just one of those things I want to do. And to make it slightly less embarrassing, I only did it because I was making a chart to track my community service hours, and the idea struck me. And in case you wondering, here's how I'm doing so far:

Community service hours: 3

Theatre hours: 13

It will even out! My community service program only started about a week ago, so those hours will add up. Ultimately, I'll probably have a bucket load more of theatre.

So... yeah. That's pretty much it. I was just in a reflective mood and I felt like writing. I'll post something else later. I'm in the mood to talk about books.

Happy birthday to Anne Bancroft, Ken Kesey, Bobby Lee, Constantine Maroulis, and a very special one-day late happy birthday to one of my best friends, Elizabeth. I'm still allowed to say happy birthday because we're celebrating tonight. It's fine.

And to top it off, we're going The Cheesecake Factory, otherwise known as the most unhealthy restaurant in America. YUM.

This Thursday Thing Isn't Going to Work Out

[see title]

It's already Friday and I just don't have time to deal with this.

I Almost Forgot Thursday is Blogging Day

Keyword: almost.

Due to my near forgetfulness, I really have nothing to talk about. I'm sick of complaining about how busy I am on this blog. It's getting old fast.

Inspiration.... inspiration.... inspiration.... I'm listening to Judy Garland sing right now. That never fails to make me feel unworthy. She's just one of the most talented human beings that has ever existed.

You know what's something I haven't done in a long time? I'll tell you- obsess over college. I've been so focused on high school that I'm more unsure of where I want to go afterwards than I was even as a freshman. But considering I'm a junior and the choices I make now have a significant affect on what college I get into, I should probably start being obsessive again.

I have too many thoughts running around my brain right now. I really need to pick one thing and write about it rather than jump from topic to topic like this. I'm probably annoying all two people reading this right now. Okay. I'm just going to pick a topic and run with it. Um. This is hard.

One of the lenses popped out of my sunglasses and I can't figure out how to fix it. That sucked.

I could literally watch Judy Garland sing for hours upon hours. And her and Barbara Streisand working together is the closest thing I've ever witnessed to world peace. Yes, I acknowledge how little sense that sentence made.

Due to the failure that is this blog entry, I think I'm going to blog tomorrow. I'm way to ADHD right now to write anything coherent. I'm so sorry. Plus, I just thought of a good topic that will be more relevant tomorrow than it is today.I think that made sense.

Happy birthday to Sid Caeser, Patsy Cline, and Pink. Today's birthdays aren't even conversation worthy.

I really need to start outlining blogs before I write them.

Thursday is Now Blogging Day

Happy first day of Hogwarts! Unfortunately, it is my seventh day of junior year. And in case you are unaware of what makes junior different than the rest of high school, let me fill you in.

It is basically the most stressful year it is possible to experience before you become a real grown-up. I know that it is really stressful in different ways for everyone, but super quickly I will fill you in on why it will be particularly stressful for me.

I am taking seven courses after school. Five of those are academic, three of those academic courses are AP or IB, and my other two courses are advanced performing arts classes. Starting next week it's back to Hebrew High after school twice a week and a week from Sunday is the volunteer orientation for the organization I volunteer for. I'm also the treasurer of my school's drama club, which means I'm basically required to be as involved in theatre as possible. I know for a fact I am going to be in at least two (out of a possible five) shows this school year in addition to playing on my school's improv team.

And then there's homework. And eating. And sleeping. And maybe having a social life. And learning how to drive.

I'm not looking for sympathy from you lovely readers, but I think it's important that you guys know that I'm not going to be popping in for random blogs. I am designating Thursday as blogging day because today is Thursday and I am blogging, so it might as well become a regular thing. I always feel guilty when I don't blog often, even though I know that absolutely no one is reading this.

So.... what to talk about now? I mean, I can tell you all of the embarrassing things that have happened to me thus far this year, but that's no fun for me. I could talk about my teachers, but that's probably a bad idea in the long run.

OH DISCUSSION IDEA. It's been suggested to me by a variety of people in a variety of situations that I should try my hand at vlogging. I actually have an idea for a pretty funny vlog, I'm just really bad at the actual video making process. So, should I try it? If anyone bothers to comment on this, I promise I'll consider it.

Happy birthday to Engelbert Humperdinck (who wins at life simply because of his name), Engelbert Zaschka (who comes in second), Lily Tomlin, Gloria Estefan, Joseph Williams, Shoshana Bean, and a very special happy birthday to my friend Alexandra, who I hope is having a wonderful time in New York. I hope my jealousy isn't too thinly veiled.

Okay guys, see you next Thursday. I have to go attempt at being productive.

A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words

I've always been mildly offensive by the phrase, "A picture is worth a thousand words." Speaking as someone who has absolutely no visual artistic capabilities and as someone who is confident enough in her writing abilities to publish them on this website, I've always felt like writers don't get enough credit because of this statement. Personally, I could tell a whole lot more by writing a thousand words (which in actuality isn't really that much) then I could by drawing a picture.

For example, if I wanted to do an a thousand word character sketch, I could tell you so much more about a person than I could by drawing him. Obviously this isn't the same for some people, but the saying is so famous and is treated like the ultimate truth.

So, I had an idea for an experiment. I would like to find an artist of the visual variety, and I think it would be really interesting if we tried to get the same message across, except I would have a limit of exactly 1,000 words and the artist would have to use 0 and just.... draw or something. It would be really interesting to see how we each interpret the subject and what other people get out of it. I don't know. I've been really ADD recently. It's hard to put my thoughts into words. (My brain right now: awtegrhtgrerghnggrfergtgbrfebg)

I'm sorry, I just felt like doing a spur of the moment post and this was on my mind and then this post happened. AGH.

No famous happy birthdays today, but I would like to say happy birthday to two very good friends. Today is both Vanni's (my friend who lives in Germany and I miss her very much) birthday and Nicki's (my friend who lives in the same city and I am going to see later) birthday. If either of you are reading this, I love you both VERY much and have wonderful, memorable birthdays.

I'll post something more coherent later. I haven't even proofread this.

Journaling

I am a sporadic journal keeper. I've always loved the idea of a journal; some of my favorite books have been in the style of a diary. Pretty much for as long as I can remember I have had a journal in some form, I just am so inconsistent about writing in them. I've been working on my AP English summer assignment (yay for not completely procrastinating!) and today I read an essay about keeping a notebook.

In this essay ("On Keeping a Notebook" by Joan Didion) a differentiation was made between having a notebook and a diary. Most of my journals would fit under her description of a diary, but I do have a little tiny book that would fit under her description of a notebook. Ok, this probably makes no sense. Let me explain in more depth.

I have one journal that I haven't written in for months. This is a book where I go over the events of the day and how I feel and stuff like that. This would fit under Didion's definition of a diary. I also have a little tiny purse sized notebook where I write down dreams primarily. I just jot down things that I know I will forget later and might want to remember. This falls into Didion's notebook category, which according to her is more for just putting thoughts and musings about anything and not describing everyday life.

After reading this essay I was prompted to look through my current journal and my past ones. I realized a couple things about my writing. One is that I write a lot more when I'm depressed, which should tell you a lot about the person I am right there. When I'm upset I go through and list all the things that are upsetting me and who I'm mad at and why I'm stressed and how awful I feel. Really, if a stranger read anything I write they'd think that I'm a very depressed person. However, if I ever choose to write when I'm happy, the entry is usually like, "Today was a very good day because I spent time with my friends, I'll write more about it later." Except I never do write about it later, and looking back I usually have no idea why I was so happy. And this realization reminded me of a quote by Hank Green:

"We often just accept the things we like and complain a lot about the things we don't like. But if we could, like intensely dwell on the really great things in life the way we intensely dwell on the negative things in life, I think that would be fantastic."

I wish the human psyche worked like this. This summer complaining has become one of my absolute worst pet peeves. Yes, I realize this is hypocritical but they say that when something about another person bothers you it reflects a bad trait that you have, and I realize this. I think I've started complaining less. And if I haven't I will try harder. It just really makes me angry when people complain about things that either (a) they got themselves into and ultimately has a good outcome [i.e. going to summer school, which is completely optional and allows for an easier school year] or (b) have absolutely no solution, so there's no point in complaining [i.e. the fact that summer school starts really early in the morning]. And I totally realize that I have been known to do both of these things, but I am going to firmly decide to make myself stop. Which reminds me, I am so glad that summer school ended for me three weeks ago.

And here is the second thing that reflecting on old writings has taught me about my writing style- I write in second person way more than I should. When I entered that fiction contest I told you guys about (update: I didn't get accepted, but the person who reviewed mine told me that I'm a very talented writer but my piece wasn't exactly what they were looking for. Oh, well.) I kept directly addressing my audience. I guess it was a stylistic choice, but it's something I do a lot. Weird, huh?

Happy birthday to Alexandre Dumas and Maya Rudolph. And I'm pretty sure it's also Nicki's sister Ili's birthday. So happy birthday to all of you!

I think I'm going to go read some of my middle school journals. Those one's are the funniest.