2012 Wrap-Up

Hello, blog. It's been quite a while. I've neglected you in 2012, but I've been doing lots in that time. Here are some of the best of the best of 2012:

• The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee had an amazing three show run to sold out performances, receptive audiences, and huge laughs. It's a show I'm incredibly proud to say I was a part of.
• I read The Fault in Our Stars by John Green which actually changed my life. Not to mention I met John and Hank (as well as a few other awesome nerdfighters) in what would be one of the best nights of my life.
• I spent an evening in West Hollywood with four of my best friends laughing, eating, and being ridiculous.
• I said goodbye to one of the best teachers I've ever had, who now lives in Brazil with her husband and her new baby.
• I found where Santa hides his cottage when it isn't Christmas time.
• I took the SAT for the first and last time.
• Bonded with all the Comedy Sportz newbies in a million and one ways- but mostly watching Star Wars, eating In-N-Out, and jamming in the One Direction party car.
• I saw The Hunger Games at midnight with all of my amazing friends, and about three hours later left for a weekend at the California State Thespian Festival, which was somehow simultaneously horrible and amazing.
• I got my driver's license. Needless to say that changed my life for the better.
• I was in Little Shop of Horrors, and although the show itself was... interesting... the cast was amazing and I bonded with so many people because of that ridiculous experience.
• I traveled independently to Cincinnati to visit my best friend since I was an infant and had an amazing weekend with her followed by a trip to Georgia to attend a phenomenal performing arts leadership conference.
• I cut off most of my hair. I still haven't really decided if I like my hair cut, and this was seven months ago.
• I spent my first ever summer at Ramah, and I had such an amazing experience that I'm glad to say I'm going back this summer.
• I had that weird last first day of school experience that all seniors must have.
• I saw a lot of amazing theatre- including but not limited to Mary Poppins and The Book of Mormon, two of the best musicals I've ever seen.
• I turned seventeen. I still tell people I'm sixteen because I forget that it happened.
• I got pied onto varsity of Comedy Sportz with two of my best friends and favorite people.
• I went to DTASC- which like ITS was both amazing and horrible. However, I got to act in an AMAZING scene with one of my favorite people and written by an amazing person.
• I directed a musical, which is still kind of weird to say.
• I got an iPhone, which is way more important and less trivial than it sounds.
• I got to be a part of two amazing drama boards that have changed our theatre department for the better.
• I saw Les Miserables twice, and was blown away both times.
• I participated in Friendship Circle winter camp, which is always an amazing experience.

And, like always, the best part of 2012 was becoming closer to old friends, making new ones, and spending time with the people I love. 

Insomnia and Rereading

The other day I mentioned something to my friend Jeremy about having a book light, to which he responded, "You read at night?" to which I affirmed that I do and he said, "You're one of those people."

Um. Okay.

I've been a night reader my entire life. I was much better at night reading when I was little and I didn't have a laptop next to my bed to distract me from all things non-laptop related, but I love reading and I love reading at night and being able to come to school the next day and say that between 9:00 P.M. and 3:00 A.M. I read an entire novel. And I never feel like I didn't get sleep. Reading an amazing book is invigorating. I never get that feeling from watching movies. Sometimes I'll stay up late watching a movie and I'll feel my eyelids start to droop, no matter how interesting the movie is, and when I wake up I usually regret the decision. But reading isn't like that.

When I was a younger pseudo-intellectual snob than I am now I really frowned upon the process of rereading. I thought that rereading a beloved book over and over again was a waste of time and a blatant avoidance of all the other amazing books that a person was yet to read. Now that I'm older, when I do have the chance to read a book outside of school, I find myself yearning to reread. I miss the characters I grew to love and the feeling I get from reading particular stories.

My sophomore year we did an exercise in my theatre class that was invented by this super important theatre teacher named Uta Hagen. Th exercise was simple- to do something that you do by yourself every single day. Most everyone in the class did homework, but I chose reading. I particularly chose to read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I have three favorite sections of the book that I used to flip to for a Harry Potter fix and I sat on a couch and read them in front of my class. My mom used to tell me that I made weird faces when I read and that I move my lips along with the story. My theatre teacher told me that she could see my face light up with emotion at the different parts of the book. I think they're two different ways of saying the same thing.

It's past 2 A.M. I have school tomorrow. I'm not tired at all. I have reading to do for class. I know I should sleep, but I just can't.

The Calm Before the Storm

Senior year thus far has been relatively... calm. In comparison to my other first days of school my stress level has been incredibly low. Let's take a stroll down memory lane, shall we?

The first day of freshman year was so exciting and I remember really enjoying myself. I was very nervous and anxious for high school but for the most part everything was easier than I thought it would be. I was also proud of myself because a lot of my friends cried on the first day of high school and I didn't.

The first day of sophomore was easy. I knew the school, I had friends in all my classes, and at the time it seemed like I had a great year ahead of me. Sophomore year is a really awkward year on campus, you aren't an upperclassman but at the same time you're older than a freshman. But on my first day of school I had a decent level of confidence.

The first day of junior year (actually, the first three days of junior year) I came home and cried hysterically because my teachers scared the living shit out of me.

I've been a senior for two days and everything has been very easy... too easy. I don't know if my brain is blocking the reality of the impending doom that is the stress of senior year, but I'm honestly not scared. Millions and millions of people have survived their senior year. So far it seems like I'm on the right track.

Well... I guess we'll see what happens. I'll try to keep you all updated. If you didn't catch on, I think I'm going to try and write every single day of my senior year. I contemplated a variety of different ways to chronicle my meager existence. I wanted to take a picture every single day but I already didn't take a picture on the first day of school so I guess that's out the window. I considered video blogging for the bajillionth time, but I ultimately decided I don't have the time commitment to make a good YouTube channel. People that vlog every day are usually full time YouTubers who have dedicated their lives to creating online content. I just want to be able to look back on memories.

So, I returned to the old blog. Writing is how I express myself best, I think.

Cuts and Bruises on the Last First Day

As a little kid, I constantly had cuts, scrapes, and bruises all over my legs. A combination of mild eczema and a klutziness that has followed me into young adulthood meant my legs were never in pristine condition. However, most little kids are like that. Kids get hurt and are resilient and those playground scrapes are often how we learn not to sweat the small stuff.

However, for the past six years or so, I've been too old to hang out with the playground crowd and my legs have been more or less unharmed. Except for the occasional cut from shaving (a malady I never experienced during the playground years), I rarely made use of band aids or Neosporin. 

This summer, however, I spent nine weeks as a counselor at sleepaway camp. My legs took a beating. Aside from the cuts and bruises that are simply an occupation hazard of camp counselor-dom, I also was eaten alive by bugs. This isn't an odd occurrence at camp. No one expects you to be beautiful at summer camp. Obviously we don't walk around like slobs, but if you're legs are covered in battle wounds from the never ending war with bugs, you're probably in the majority.

Today I started my senior year of high school. I wore shorts and my bug bite ridden legs were visible for all to see. I wasn't self-conscious per say, just hyper aware of the fact that no one else had legs like mine. Although I was on some level aware of the fact that today was my thirteenth and last first day of school with the people I have spent my entire life with, I was completely conscious of the fact that I was no longer with the people I had spent nine weeks of my life with. Camp is over, and I have to say being campsick is a pretty  terrible feeling. 

I started this blog in sixth grade. I'm a senior in high school. How time flies. 

Crying Guilt

I'm a pretty emotional person, but I used to be way worse. If you've read any of my blog entries from about the first year and a half of blogging, a pretty common phrase was probably, "and then I cried." Middle school sucked and it was one of those horrible times where a lot of bad things happen at once and I was also, you know, a hormonal pre-teen, so I didn't exactly have my emotions in check.

Going into high school I decided I was going to stop crying in public. Six out of thirteen of my middle school teachers had seen my cry, which is under 50% but some of them saw my cry more than once. Anyway, it was still six too many. I didn't want my high school reputation to be that I cried a lot, and for the first semester of high school I didn't cry at school once. Second semester I did, but it was one of those days where every little thing just goes wrong and even though each individual thing only sucks a little bit, all of the little things together just creates this colossal pile of suck you have to deal with. And then you cry.

Since then I've cried on campus a few more times. I haven't counted or anything absurd like that. However, since then I've also developed this strange feeling of guilt whenever I cry. I don't know if high school has given me some profound sense that my problems don't matter, but whenever I'm crying and my problems aren't quite big enough to take over my brain, I always think that I don't deserve to cry. I have, overall, a pretty good life. I have it harder than some and I've had to grow up faster than most kids my age (I can't believe I just said that) but compared to the vast majority of individuals I have a very, very easy life.

So then I'm struck by this crippling guilt that I'm crying about a bad grade or a bad audition or a fight with a friend or my mom yelling at me when there are people that are sick or hungry or homeless or friendless or even worse unimaginable things and they might not even be crying.

And then I sit in my bed and listen to "I Don't Want to Live on the Moon" from Sesame Street over and over again.

Happy birthday to Clark Gable, Langston Hughes, Jerry Spinelli, Meg Cabot, and Heather Morris.

I misplaced my poetry anthology and I really want to find it. Like Hazel Grace Lancaster, I prefer reading poetry to writing it.

I Was Going to Title This New Semester Resolutions But Apparently I've Done That Before

I am officially over the halfway mark of junior year! *does a happy dance in the corner*

First semester finals were Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday (except I didn't have any on Friday) and I ended the semester with the best GPA I've ever had (I don't like to brag, and I won't cause I don't have too). But, there is always room for improvement and so that means it's time for New Semester's Resolutions. I think I will have one for each class. I just decided this now. Here we go...

English: Actually read and annotate all assigned readings.

Chemistry: Try, just try, to pay attention. Maybe take notes?

Choir: Practice music at home, don't text during sectionals.

Theatre: Be more enthusiastic about working, even when I hate what I'm working on.

History: DO THE READING IN ADVANCE AND TAKE NOTES. This is my most important resolution.

Math: Do the HW when it's assigned, go to math tutoring more often.

Psychology: Do the reading and take notes during class.

Hebrew: Be less grumpy.

I think these are good resolutions. I don't have much time to write because I'm going to bed very soon. I'd just like to inform you that I've gotten very good at sticking to resolutions. For example, Monday-Thursday I do not social network or watch TV. It helps me so much, I actually do my homework and go to bed on time. It's really awesome. There are three resolutions I can never keep, and those are the following:

1. Not procrastinating. Even with the lack of social networking in my life, I still don't do any assignments unless they're do tomorrow. I try to stop, but I can't. I thrive under pressure anyway.

2. Keeping my room clean. When I get home from rehearsals/Hebrew/community service I'm so tired. I just flop onto bed, do my homework, through my books on the floor, through my clothes on the floor, put on my pajamas (fresh from the floor) and go into my warm unmade bed. Sometimes I clean on the weekends but I'm a busy girl. It's just not a priority.

3. Exercising. Mainly because I hate it with a fiery passion. It just brings me no pleasure or sense of achievement. I don't buy that bullshit about running releasing endorphins- it just isn't true. The only thing my body releases during exercise is sweat and low self-esteem.

So those are my goals and not goals for this semester. If I achieve my school goals I'll move on to the three Impossible Goals as they will now be referred to (the capital letters are important). Oh! I also want to write more. This blog post is apart of that. I'm also considering entering a short story contest... if I decide to I'll tell you about that.

Happy birthday to Sir Francis Bacon, Grigori Rasputin, D.W. Griffith, George Balanchine, and Balthazar Getty.

Well, I'm going to sleep. I went swimming tonight (it's January and I live in Southern California, so it's not weird) and I am freaking tired.