Sunday, February 20, 2011

My Life is a Sitcom

There have been various times in my life where certain situations have felt so unrealistic and just plain stupid that they would only be possible in a sitcom. Truthfully, I would probably make a decent sitcom character. I fall all the time, I'm slightly neurotic, I associate myself with the weirdest people, and I have no profitable traits. But sometimes, things happen that are so sitcom-y that I just have to internally groan.

For example, on Wednesday night I was at a going away party for my friend who left for a semester abroad in Israel. We were sitting at the table, all was well, until I had to reach over to get my wallet out of my bag. I leaned over to my left, in a perfectly normal way, and the back of my chair snapped off and I fell backwards out of my seat. It didn't really hurt that bad and even I was laughing, but seriously? These things only happen to me.

The all-star sitcom moment of my week occurred on Thursday night. Sammy and I decided to try Zumba. For those of you have been hiding under a rock and don't know about this craze that has been sweeping the nation, Zumba is, to put it simply, a dance workout. So, dying to try out this exercise trend, Sammy and I donned are most stylin' sweat pants and t-shirts, ready to bust a move. However, the severity of our situation was unforeseeable until we arrived at the gym where we would be taking our course.

All the women there, most of whom were older, but there was a good variety of age range, had broken out their most intense Zumba-themed workout gear. They had towels and water bottles and sweat-proof watches- everything was so high-tech. In addition, about 80% of the class, including the teacher, were Israeli. Hardly an English word was heard the entire time I was there. And I know I take Hebrew, but as many of you know there is a big different between the way people speak a language in a classroom then how the natives speak it.

In addition to the fashion and language difference between Sammy and me and our classmates, there was also the issue of the workout itself. It was hard! And intense! Well, I might just be ridiculously out of shape... yeah, that is pretty likely. But anyway, I was practically afraid to look into the mirror because every time I caught a glance at myself it was like seeing a scared puppy try to ice-skate. No, I do not know how I came up with that analogy. So yeah. My life has turned into one big fat situation comedy.

Now I shall complain.

You know what sucks? The fact that I have such a lack of social life and obligations that every time one of my friends does something that they want me to be there for or needs me to do something, I can. But, the one time I do something impressive that I would love for all my friends to show up for, they are all too busy and none of them are gonna come. It really sucks. Just saying. I guess that answers the question about trees falling in the forest.

Happy birthday to Ansel Adams, Sidney Poitier, Cindy Crawford, Kurt Cobain, and Rihanna.

What do Vulcans wear when they read? SPOCKtacles.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Writing About Writing

"A writer writes, not because he is educated but because he is driven by the need to communicate. Behind the need to communicate is the need to share. Behind the need to share is the need to be understood. The writer wants to be understood more than he wants to be respected or praised or even loved. And that perhaps, is what makes him different from others."- Leo Rosten

That, my friends, is what my interest teacher calls an ICD, or Interest Creating Device. Hopefully, I just got all you non-existent readers interested in whatever I have to say about writing. And when I call you all non-existent, I mean that you exist the way my homework exists. In my mind and in my mind only. At least tomorrow is a late start day...

So, now I will write about writing, as the title implies. Writing is probably one of my favorite things to do. I write about lots of different things in a lot of different formats. For example, on this blog I do long-form blogging and on tumblr I do short-form blogging. I don't know if that's what you call it but I heard someone saw short-form blogging once and it sounded smart. Then there's Facebook, where I type witty statuses and comments with the intention to make my friends laugh, and Twitter, where I exercise writing in 140 characters or less. I also have a journal for journaling, a dream journal, and an idea journal. I always forget about those though, they're drastically underused. I also create To-Do lists on my mirror every morning and I take notes in three different spirals for history, English, and math. I'm supposed to take theatre notes but that doesn't always happen. Spiral notebooks are so awesome. I love them so much. And I love writing in them. And I love writing.

I had a long (well, not for my standards, but I guess sort of long) conversation with Sydney about writing. Because I kind of want to be a writer. Isn't it word that there's no feminine form of the word writer? A female actor is an actress but a female writer is still a writer. Anyway, back on topic. For a long time people have told me I should be a psychologist. I thought I should be a psychologist. I'm good at understanding other people, and I do think psychology is really interesting. But I know myself, and I know that if I end up being a psychologist I will feel like I gave up. What happened to that little girl who wanted to be on Broadway? I'm not that little girl anymore, and I don't really want to perform on Broadway. In theory, I would love to, but in practice it's not going to happen. I guess what I mean to say, is I still feel the need to do something creative. I like to do things that make other people smile or laugh or think. And I guess writing is the way to do that. I usually do that through talking, but I don't think being a professional talker will work out for me. Once again, this is something that seems awesome in theory, but not so much in practice.

Honestly, can I just be professional person-who-does-whatever-she-wants? Because that seems like the kind of life for me. Or a travel host, because Samantha Brown has the best job in the world. She gets paid to go on vacations that are paid for by her network. She just has to be filmed while it happens. Lucky.

If I don't start my homework now, I will fall asleep while I'm reading Lord of the Flies, and it's not that that book is boring, I just get tired. And if I fall asleep while reading LOTF again, I'll have to read it really quickly before school, and I'll get a bad grade on the quiz again. I hate bad grades.

Happy birthday to Frederick Douglass, Florence Henderson, Tiffany Thornton, Freddie Highmore, and Paul Butcher Jr. It is also the birthday of other people who I may or may not have heard of.

Happy anniversary of the St. Valentine's Day Massacre!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Clock Dilemma

Clocks are difficult. For you see, no clock can be perfect for both form and function. It's impossible. Why, you ask? Well, let's examine the pros and cons of analog and digital clocks.

Analog clocks are obviously prettier and more old-fashioned. And contrary to popular belief, easy to read. One time in my English class, we had a brief discussion about how none of us would befriend someone who couldn't read an analog clock. That will give you an idea of the kind of people in my English class. Anyway, the only problem with analog clocks (and it's a huge problem) is they tick. I can't sleep in the same room as an analog clock. Once I tried to take the batteries out of one, but I accidentally broke it. So I just took to moving all the alarm clocks out of my earshot, but I would have to wake up in morning to move them back to where they belonged so my mom wouldn't get mad at me.

In my room I have on digital clock. Well actually, I think I broke it because I can't figure out how to fix it, but in theory, I have on digital, clock radio, iHome. And I love it. It's easy to set and it plays my music. And it doesn't tick. However, it's ugly. I mean, it's not an eyesore but it isn't pretty like analog clocks are. Clocks suck. Nowadays everyone just uses their cellphone anyway.

Which brings me to my next point- watches. I love watches. I have to wear one everyday or I feel practically naked. And I always wear it on my left wrist, because I am right-handed and if I wear a watch on my right hand then my wrist will hurt when I'm writing. I can't tolerate more then small bracelets on my right hand. And I can wear analog watches because they're so small that you can only hear the ticking if you hold it up to your ear.

So, to conclude, clocks are stupid and watches are awesome. And clocks in classrooms are usually wrong. Well, the one's at my high school aren't too bad but the middle school clocks were simply disastrous. As they always say, "It's five o'clock somewhere!"

Happy birthday to Daniel Bernoulli (Bernoulli's principle is one of the only things I remember from 8th grade Physics... that and Newton's laws), Jules Verne, Dmitri Mendeleev, Jack Lemmon, James Dean, John Williams, Nick Nolte, Gary Coleman, Seth Green, and Bethany Hamilton.

I really need to finish (and by that I mean start) reading Anatomy of a Revolution. The historian who wrote it is named Crane Brinton. Honestly, if you name you son Crane he is destined to be a boring old fart.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

My Cultural Assimilation Into the Interweb is Complete

Today I made an account on Tumblr due to peer pressure. Yesterday I started using the Twitter account my friend Brian made me for my birthday. I forgot I had it until now... I also have active Facebook, YouTube, iTunes, Skype, and Google accounts, in addition to an extremely frequent use of Wikipedia. Oh yeah, and this thing.

Honestly, as a person who feels uncomfortable being identified with the 21st century, this is all very strange. I'm an old person on the inside. I like to read books (NOT ebooks), write by hand, and watch movies that came out before I was born. Now I suddenly have these websites and all this stuff that didn't even exist when I was in elementary school!

It's so funny when I watch movies that take place in what is now the near future (i.e. Back to the Future Part II) and I see all the far things they came up with for us to have, like hoverboards, but they couldn't even anticipate personal computers.

Last night I watched the wonderful film When Harry Met Sally. I kind of want to watch it again tonight. It's one of those movies that gives you this warm and fuzzy feeling on the inside, and on top of that it's not stupid. However, it is tragically unrealistic. And according to my research, Nora Ephron and Rob Reiner were aware of the improbable ending, but hey, it's a movie. We pay for the improbabilities. Who wants to see a movie where what happens is like real life? I mean, all good movies have elements that are real. If a character is completely unbelievable the audience can't relate and thus it is not going to be a good movie. But placing believable characters into unbelievable plots often makes for a great film. It's just how it works.

*non-sequitur number two*
I'm avoiding editing my English essay. It's about how the underlying theme in Jamie Lee Curtis's children's books is about her battle with drugs and alcohol. Oy very.

Happy birthday to Babe Ruth, Ronald Reagan, Tom Brokaw, Bob Marley, Natalie Cole, Kathy Najimy, and Rick Astley. I really want to Rick Roll someone now.

Well, while I'm at it, if you really want to, follow me on Twitter: @BrianMadeThis and on Tumblr:

I don't expect any of you to follow me.