The Best Things That Happened to Me in 2011

Overall, I have to say 2011 was pretty successful. Here's why:

• I became friends with nineteen other theatregoistic teens through Center Theatre Group's Student Advisory Committee, and in the process learned so much and had an amazing time.
• I became incredibly close to the best English class and teacher ever. No class will ever live up to English II Honors Period 3, 2010-2011.
• I made a tumblr, which ended up being way too much fun.
• Sammy and I went to the gym to try Zumba.... once.
• I saw Avenue Q with my dad and two of my best friends, and it was the funniest musical I've ever seen.
• Along with three of my best friends, I sang in front of about 600 people in the final round of a group musical theatre competition, and I had an AMAZING time.
• Daniel Radcliffe sang and dance on Broadway. I know, not technically me, but still important.
• I spent an amazing weekend at the beach with some of my oldest and closest friends. Oldest as in we've been friends for a long time, not as in literally old.
• Tina Fey and Emily Deschanel both had babies. Also not me, but still awesome.
• I became a nerdfighter and was welcomed into a community that would literally change my life and the way I think about the world.
• I got a four on my AP Euro test. A FOUR!
• I got into mixed choir.
• I was elected treasurer of drama club.
• The book Paper Towns changed my outlook in everything.
• I taught myself how to be amazing at Tetris.
• I got my learner's permit and learned how to drive.
• I spent another amazing weekend at the beach and learned so much from my amazing Hebrew High friends and one of the greatest teachers I've ever head, and later that year I cried (four times in one evening) the last time I saw her before she moved to Brazil.
• I failed to pull an all-nighter, but still had a great time, at Relay for Life.
• Daniel Radcliffe presented a Tony Award to Sutton Foster. It made my life.
• My friends and I choreographed a dance to a medley of songs from Hercules. It was needless to say pretty awesome.
• Anne Brashares came out with a fifth Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants book.
• I became Pottermore beta... which was ultimately a huge disappointment, but was momentarily awesome.
• I pre-ordered The Fault in Our Stars.
• I cried many, many times over the ending of the Harry Potter series, but was thrilled with how amazing the film turned out and made so many great memories to go with it.
• I had another great summer at the Friendship Circle camp.
• I went to the beach on Nicki's birthday and laughed so much in one day it was ridiculous.
• I spent the most magical week of my life at Walt Disney World with my family.
• Between sophomore and junior year I got to be educated by the best English, history, and math teachers I've ever had.
• I got onto the Comedy Sportz team with the best newbies ever.
• I had a non-cursed sweet sixteen.
• I was on the best scavenger hunt team ever, the Flaming Spaniards.
• I had the time of my life with my best friends at Faux-coming.
• I went to a simply fantastic tea party.
• I read The Hunger Games series and absolutely LOVED all three books.
• I had the biggest and most challenging role I've ever had in the best show I've ever performed in, All My Sons.
• I saw my best friend dance the lead in The Nutcracker and was with her when one of the greatest dancers of our generation signed her pointe shoes.
• I found out I'm going to meet John and Hank Green on January 26.
• I got to help a musical come together in three weeks.

But the absolute best thing that happened to me in 2011 was that I made friends in the most unexpected of ways and I'm now so close to people I would never have ever thought I'd even be friends with. Here's to another great year in 2012.

An Open Letter to the Cast of All My Sons

Dear Alexandra, Evan, CiCi, Hunter, Kathy, Kyle, Matt, Max, Melanie, Nitzan, Ryan, Sammy, Sarah, Shaq, Sydney, Tyler, and the crew (there are too many crew members to name),

I know I was always the first person to complain when it came to All My Sons. Honestly, at first I didn't even want to audition, but I am so glad that I did. I'm not even exaggerating when I say that I've never had more fun with a cast- I've had a great time with each and every one of you over this nearly three month process.

As you guys saw in my paper plate award tonight, this show hasn't been the easiest for me. Rehearsals have been tough but having all of you there is more than I can ever ask for. As corny as it is, this cast is a family and I know I'm not the only one that felt that. So many people went through so much during the long three months where we spent nearly every single day after school together, and without the show we wouldn't necessarily have had each other to help.

There were people in this show that I barely knew before we were cast that I'm now best friends with. I don't think it's humanly possible for me to love a cast more and I couldn't be prouder of all of you. We worked really hard and it paid off.

To those of you who I'm working on Spelling Bee with, I'll see you on Monday. And to the rest of you, I sincerely hope this won't be our last show together. You're all amazing.

Love,

Stephanie

P.S. I guess All My Sons is cancelled this year!

Worried

I'm sensitive. Anyone that knows me know that. And by that I don't mean that I cry when people offend me, if that was true I wouldn't have any friends. I'm sensitive to other people's thoughts and feelings. This causes me to worry. A lot.

I mean, I worry about myself too. My friend Julie and I spent probably 45 minutes yesterday talking about something we're worried about... that's in February. But what I'm talking about is how I worry about other people, whether I know them or not. Today I found out my empath quotient, which is graded on a scale of 1 to 80. The average woman gets about a 47. I got 62, which is somewhere on the border of above average and unusually high.

Being an empath has often put me in the situation where I'm the friend that people can go to for anything, which in turn puts me in the situation of knowing things I can't tell anyone. And although I don't really mind being that person and I love that my friends can trust me, but I do bear a constant emotional weight on my shoulders. I'm not complaining, exactly. I've just had an emotionally exhaustive week. Let's just say, on Wednesday night alone I cried four times because my old teacher got married and is moving to Brazil.

My friends tease me for being emotional, but it used to be so much worse. When I went to high school I made a resolution to stop crying in front of people, and I didn't until January of that school year. Now I do so sparingly, which is still probably more than most people. Oh, well. Better out than in as I always say (name that movie quote).

The fact that I'm so open with my emotions has probably greatly contributed to the fact that two of my favorite things are writing and acting. Go figure.

This is getting increasingly ramble-y and I don't really remember what I intended to write about. I titled this entry "Worried." Probably because I am.

Happy birthday to Jeff Bridges, Fred Armisen, Tyra Banks, and Orlando Brown.

I have too much to do.

November 9

I've come to the conclusion that it's impossible not to like history. People say they don't like history because it's boring or unimportant or whatever stupid reason they come up with, but it's impossible to genuinely hate everything about history. Here's why.

Everything is history. Everything has history and everything is slowly fading into history as we say it or write it or do it. This blog in some contexts can be considered a historical document. It's a primary source depicting how a very odd sixteen year old female felt about things in the year 2011. Is it reliable? Well, you found it on the internet, so it must be trustworthy.

Anyway, I was thinking about how through studying history you study everything else too. Not necessarily to your fullest ability, but to understand any given time period we don't just try to understand their politicians and their wars, but we need to understand their literature and art, their discoveries and scientific advancements... we basically need to understand as much as we can. There is no facet of any given culture that isn't touched by current events and doesn't have an effect on it's world, everything is important. Because I have this knowledge it really bothers me how little I know. Even though I act like I do, I don't know everything. I learn knew things every day. Today I learned about comedia del arte at Elizabeth's show. Yesterday I learned that at the end of "I Got Life" from Hair, they're saying, "Amen," and not "Gay men."

Anyway, as a student and lover of history I noticed something interesting about Wednesday's date: November 9. I'm not one to deliberately memorize dates, but sometimes they tend to stick out in my mind (i.e. July 14 is Bastille Day, November 11 is Armistice Day, August 24 is John Green's birthday, etc.). Two dates corresponded to November 9: Kristallnacht and the fall of the Berlin Wall.

Kristallnacht took place on November 9-10, 1938 and was the deliberate alienation of Jews in Germany, Austria, and the Sudetenland. The Nazi's used the evening as an opportunity to place more targets on the backs of the innocent and to wrangle support from fearful and desperate followers. Hitler used it just as he used all his other political moves, as a means to get one step closer to total imperialism.

51 years later, on November 9-10, 1989, the Berlin Wall that was put in place post World War II to keep the political ideas of the East and the West from mixing , inspiring new thought, and allowing freedom. The wall's fall in 1989 symbolized the end of the Cold War, with freedom winning.

That's one of the many things I love about history. Odd coincidences. I love 'em. I love them and I love random facts and the great people and the unexplained occurrences. I love when people do things that no one saw coming. I love when a few small things effected the entire world. Because nothing's small.

I think maybe another reason people don't like history is because it's scary. There's really nothing scarier then what man can do. A possible exception being the bubonic plague. That shit's horrifying. But anyway, when we look back and see how much destruction and pain man has caused, it's actually terrifying. People do horrible things for horrible reasons. But that fear is the problem. We can't view the past as a series of mistakes that cause trepidation towards the future and prevent us from moving on. We should look at the past because within it are our answers. We can see all the mistakes that we should never make again and all of the tried and true solutions that can be applied to modern situations. They say that history repeats itself, but the phrase always has such a negative connotation when, if only we could repeat the positive things, it could mean great things.

And this is the part of the blog that's going to sound absurdly naive and hopeful and optimistic, but I feel like at least the good guys always win. And I know that the winners get to write history, but I find that it would be pretty hard to spin the story so that the Axis winning World War II would be good or that the Confederacy winning the Civil War would be good or that it would be great if everyone was still colonies of a few countries thousands of miles away. You know?

So, that's my corny view on history. I love it. It's beautiful. It's really important to me that I remember the past. After all, we are only a product of our memories.

Happy birthday to Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Karl Marx, Grace Kelly, Megan Mullally, Neal Shusterman, Tonya Harding, Ryan Gosling, Anne Hathaway, and one of my best friends in the entire world, Sophie.

This blog. What am I gonna do?

I'm gonna go watch HP7p2 and cry.

It's Been a Long Couple of Weeks

I miss this blog. I don't see you enough.

As the title implies, my weeks have been long recently. Stressful and scary and sad and altogether not good. This is going to be mostly a bit of reflection on my part, and definitely more depressing then what I usually choose to write about, but here it goes.

On Monday after fourth period, already thoroughly depressed by a movie I watched about the slave trade, I walked out of class to find out that my friend's boyfriend took his own life.

The shock I felt upon hearing the news was indescribable, and I can't even imagine how his parents and close friends felt. I hadn't known him personally, we went to Hebrew School together when we were little. I know him best as that guy I had to pretend to be married too for a Hebrew School play. It was very embarrassing for my approximately 10 year old self.

However, I still felt the pang of a loss. It was a loss to the community and a loss to my friend. The feeling is completely indescribable.

The following evening a candlelight memorial was held in the main quad at my school. The same event was used to honor two other students, one died of an accidental alcohol-related incident and another committed suicide a few weeks earlier. The memorial was one of the most painful events I've ever attended. Hearing the cries of a mother whose son is no longer with us is something that no one should ever have to experience. I felt guilty for sobbing over bad grades and fights with my parents. Those weren't real tears. The tears of the boys' mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, girlfriends, friends, classmates, and teachers were.

It's hard to think about the things people said. The speeches given by loved ones were emotionally stirring and hard to listen too. Wax from the candle I was holding melted all over my shoes, and I can't bring myself to clean them. It's a reminder of the things I heard.

If one positive thing can come from these horrible tragedies, it is that we can learn that every action we choose to take affects someone else. The harsh words we say, sometimes jokingly, mean something, but so do the kind ones. Words of kindness and friendship are the best things we can offer to anyone. Sometimes people put on a brave face and act like they're okay, but oftentimes the bravest ones are those who are the most sad. Be there for them. Let them know that they aren't alone. And if you have any suspicion that they might hurt themselves, or even take their own life, tell an adult.

That's pretty much all I have to say right now. I have to go make people laugh, which is probably one of the best things I can do right now. Just.... love everybody. That's what I'm trying to do.

I was born on October 11, and YOU were born on October 11!

I wasn't actually born on October 11. As previously discussed, I was born on October 9. But in the movie The Parent Trap starring Lindsay Lohan as twins separated at birth, Hallie and Annie, they were born on October 11. I just needed a creative title.

Speaking of dates with significance, my history teacher told us about this historian who took his family on vacations by traveling the path that Lewis and Clark took across the West while reading Merriwether Lewis's journals on the corresponding dates in which they were written. That sentence exemplifies proper grammar.... Anyway, although I suppress my amazement in my history class due to the fact that I am usually about to fall asleep, I am genuinely really impressed by this historian's family vacation. When I was younger I loved reading these books from a series called Dear, America. These books were all historical fiction diaries from the point of view of girls in various periods of America's past, and I always wanted to read them on the corresponding dates in which they were written. However, since they were library books, I didn't want to keep checking them out over and over again. Also, sometimes the character would go a while without writing, and I would get impatient and want to keep reading. So even though in theory I would have liked to read along with the writing, if you will, logistically it wasn't going to work out.

Another interesting thing about history is that things happened more slowly. For example, the farther back we go in history our dates get less specific, which can be attributed to a lack of accurate information, but it can also be attributed to the fact that information didn't travel fast in that time. People didn't find out about current events (that would later become historical events) until well after they happened, and nowadays we can communicate so quickly people know when things happen in real time.

I shall now go off on a tangent. Actually, I'm going off on a sine divided by cosine. I may have learned identities today in pre-calculus. My math teacher may have laughed maniacally before he told us what we were learning today.

Anyway, I love sweater weather. I really, really, really love it, and my birthday weekend was perfect because of it, and last week it rained which was very nice. But tomorrow it is going to be 100 degrees. And people wonder why I hate California weather. Yeah, all two and a half of our seasons are nice (season one: really hot, season two: that amazing weather where you can decide whether or not you feel like putting a cardigan on over your tank top, and the half season: chilly on California standards), but they are so unpredictable and sporadic. Thus is the state of the world these days.

I really want to live somewhere with four seasons. Leaves ample for jumping into (while wearing sweaters) in the fall, a perfect blanket of powdery white snow in the winter, a plethora of fresh flowers with the occasional fall of rain in the spring, and a dry, hot, perfect for swimming summer. Is that too much to ask?

You know what is especially perfect about my perfect weather systems? Each one of them has a different place for me to read a book. In the fall I can read on my porch or indoors in a big comfy chairs, in the winter there is nothing better than curling up with a down comforter and hot chocolate, in the spring I can read on the window seat while I wait for the rain to stop, and in the summer I can read underneath the perfect shady tree.

Three of those four locations don't exist in my house. I don't have a porch, a window seat, or a large shady tree. I do have a down comforter, but I don't have winter. Sometimes I pretend I do, though. I just miss reading. I love reading. Books books books books books.

Happy birthday to Emily Davison (look her up on Wikipedia if you don't know who she is), Eleanor Roosevelt, Jerome Robbins, Daryl Hall, Joan Cusack, Jane Krakowski, Emily Deschanel, and Michelle Trachtenberg.

Just go back and read that sentence again. I think it's necessary to your existence.

I want to go on a trip and read a book.

How to be Sixteen

Now that I have completed my first official day of being sixteen, I think it would be appropriate to compile a list of things I did today (well, technically yesterday). So, here are my suggestions of some things to do when you are sixteen, loosely based on things I have done in the time since I have stopped being fifteen:

• Watch Breakfast at Tiffany's
• Sleep
• Eat chocolate chip pancakes
• Watch the Travel Channel compulsively
• Bathe
• Cry. Only once though.
• Be visited by Elizabeth
• Go to the mall
• At the mall, buy clothing, Toms, and a chocolate croissant
• Wait while Mom buys a coffee maker
• Clean room
• Well, start cleaning room....
• Spend time with my Friendship Circle buddy
• Go to one of those cool Japanese restaurants where they cook the food on the table
• Have cake
• Receive wonderfully sweet and well thought out gifts from friends and family members
• Obsessively respond to birthday greeting wall posts on Facebook
• Watch random episodes of iCarly
• Avoid homework at all costs
• Write in a blog

So, if you're sixteen and can't think of anything to do, I hope that the list I compiled has some worthwhile suggestions. It made for a pretty decent birthday, if I do say so myself.

Happy birthday on October 9 to Joseph Friedman, John Lennon, Sharon Osborne, Tony Shalhoub, Steven Burns, and Sean Lennon, and on October 10 to Helen Hayes, Jodi Benson, and Mario Lopez.

Last week I had a dream that junior year was over. You can imagine my disappointment when I woke up..

I'm Cheating on Drama Club

So you know how I'm the treasurer of drama club? Oh, you didn't? I could have sworn I told you... I'm 99% sure I did. Well, I am. I love drama club with all my heart and I've been putting so much into it. But, like over 11% of married relationships, my monogamous relationship with drama club doesn't fulfill all of my needs, and I recently decided to look elsewhere. English Honors Society.

Allow me to explain. One of the traits that I possess that most of the other drama club members do not is that I'm a complete and total nerd. Don't get me wrong, I love theatre and I'm a total drama geek, but I've became an English nerd no less than a year after I fell in love with musicals. To quote Thomas Jefferson, one of the nerdiest of all our English nerd presidents, "I could not live without books." In English on Friday we had to do a quick write on what life would be like if we couldn't read, and I determined that I would be an unhappy person. So much of my joy in life comes from reading and writing and I couldn't imagine not having experienced Hogwarts, Narnia, Frell, or any of the other places books have transported me, whether they be real or not. Books have taught me about myself and about other people and have quite literally changed my life.

As a member of EHS I hope to share that joy with like-minded others and also with the students I will tutor through the program. I signed up to tutor for kids in my sophomore English teacher's class (because I miss my sophomore English teacher, A LOT) and I am beyond excited. I really feel passionately that being able to read and write well can open so many doors for people, and if I can help people who aren't strong in those areas then that would make me very happy.

Another reason I was motivated to join EHS is because I didn't know it existed. Our school's Math Honors Society is HUGE and has many, many tutors who have helped me study for many, many math tests. I didn't know there was an English Honors Society, and obviously I didn't know that they tutored. I ran for office in the club because I think it's important that people know our school has a resource where they can be tutored in English for free and by a peer. I interviewed for the position of historian (and I'm not 100% sure what that means...) and I got it! Tomorrow morning I'm going in to talk to the co-presidents about it and I'm really excited.

As busy as my life is, most of the things that are making it busy are really exciting. For example, today I went driving again! And for the first time since my horrendous first lesson, I drove over 40 miles per hour. And I didn't kill anyone or hit any other cars!

OH MY GOSH I JUST THOUGHT OF A BRILLIANT ANALOGY. SORRY THE CAR TALK IS OVER NOW.

There are three organizations that I'm really passionate about. Those are drama club, English Honors Society, and the Friendship Circle (which, in case I don't talk about it enough, is an organization where I volunteer with special needs kids and teens). I've assumed leadership positions in all of those organizations (well, I applied for one at Friendship Circle, and I haven't heard back yet, but knowing my track record with FC... well, we'll see) and I think I can pinpoint how each of them affect me.

English Honors Society feeds my brain. It allows me to use my own intelligence to help others and to challenge myself to work harder and live up to the expectations set by being an officer of the club. Drama club is for my heart. Theatre is what I love more than almost anything and being able to perform and create opportunities for others to perform, tech, or support theatre arts makes me beyond happy. The friendship circle elevates my soul. By putting others before myself and truly throwing myself into the mitzvah, I am a part of something bigger than myself.

The pure cheese and corn of that last paragraph is making me smile. I really love what I do. As stressed out as I am, at least I have these things that make me happy and at the same time allow me to become a better person.

Happy birthday to Mahatma Gandhi, Groucho Marx, Donna Karan, Annie Liebovitz, Sting, Kelly Ripa, and Camilla Belle.

Speaking of birthdays, a week from today is my sweet sixteen. Is it weird that all I really want from that day is a new pair of Toms? The ones I got for my birthday last year got ruined after wearing them to Walt Disney World for a week.

Feeling Sentimental

Guess what guys? Okay, you aren't going to guess so I'll just tell you.

I got cast in a show! I'm not going to go into great detail about the circumstances behind the audition, because it's pretty complicated, but I am going to play Sue Bayliss in Arthur Miller's All My Sons. I guess it will be fun.

I auditioned for All My Sons on September 13, 2011. This date doesn't have any real significance (except that it's Bella Swan's birthday in Twilight [the fact that I remember that scares me], except that it is exactly two years and six months after March 13, 2009. And March 13, 2009 was the day The Music Man closed, and The Music Man was the last show I have performed in. The day the All My Sons process began was exactly two years and six months after The Music Man ended.

Going into high school I didn't plan on being involved in theatre at all. I wanted to focus on my grades and I felt the theatre program at my high school was too competitive; I didn't feel like I would be talented enough to get into anything. So freshman year I didn't try out for a single show (I tried out for the improv team, but that didn't work out). I still took theatre class and sang in choir but I was too scared to audition for anything- I didn't even consider it an option. And I hated it. I hated not being in shows more than anything. So sophomore year I decided I would start auditioning for things again.... and let's just say it didn't go well. I didn't get into the advanced choir, I didn't get into my school's improv team, and I didn't get into the fall play. I wasn't able to try out for the murder mystery (I was out of town for a big chunk of the rehearsal process) and I couldn't be in the musical (the show closed three days before the AP Euro test). My self esteem took a trip down the toilet and I missed performing more than anything. I was slightly bitter and immature. So, where did these two years of doing nothing get me?

Well, I'm now a junior. I'm the treasurer of drama club, I'm in the advanced theatre class and the advanced choir. I just got cast in the fall play and I got onto the improv team. Although I'm stressed beyond belief about school but I've never had more fun in high school than I'm having now. I love being a theatre person and being a part of this community.

And this is going to sound extremely dorky but I made a chart on my computer so that at the end of the school year I can figure out how many hours I've spent doing theatre related activities (excluding classes, drama club, drama board meetings, and practicing on my own). It's just one of those things I want to do. And to make it slightly less embarrassing, I only did it because I was making a chart to track my community service hours, and the idea struck me. And in case you wondering, here's how I'm doing so far:

Community service hours: 3

Theatre hours: 13

It will even out! My community service program only started about a week ago, so those hours will add up. Ultimately, I'll probably have a bucket load more of theatre.

So... yeah. That's pretty much it. I was just in a reflective mood and I felt like writing. I'll post something else later. I'm in the mood to talk about books.

Happy birthday to Anne Bancroft, Ken Kesey, Bobby Lee, Constantine Maroulis, and a very special one-day late happy birthday to one of my best friends, Elizabeth. I'm still allowed to say happy birthday because we're celebrating tonight. It's fine.

And to top it off, we're going The Cheesecake Factory, otherwise known as the most unhealthy restaurant in America. YUM.

This Thursday Thing Isn't Going to Work Out

[see title]

It's already Friday and I just don't have time to deal with this.

I Almost Forgot Thursday is Blogging Day

Keyword: almost.

Due to my near forgetfulness, I really have nothing to talk about. I'm sick of complaining about how busy I am on this blog. It's getting old fast.

Inspiration.... inspiration.... inspiration.... I'm listening to Judy Garland sing right now. That never fails to make me feel unworthy. She's just one of the most talented human beings that has ever existed.

You know what's something I haven't done in a long time? I'll tell you- obsess over college. I've been so focused on high school that I'm more unsure of where I want to go afterwards than I was even as a freshman. But considering I'm a junior and the choices I make now have a significant affect on what college I get into, I should probably start being obsessive again.

I have too many thoughts running around my brain right now. I really need to pick one thing and write about it rather than jump from topic to topic like this. I'm probably annoying all two people reading this right now. Okay. I'm just going to pick a topic and run with it. Um. This is hard.

One of the lenses popped out of my sunglasses and I can't figure out how to fix it. That sucked.

I could literally watch Judy Garland sing for hours upon hours. And her and Barbara Streisand working together is the closest thing I've ever witnessed to world peace. Yes, I acknowledge how little sense that sentence made.

Due to the failure that is this blog entry, I think I'm going to blog tomorrow. I'm way to ADHD right now to write anything coherent. I'm so sorry. Plus, I just thought of a good topic that will be more relevant tomorrow than it is today.I think that made sense.

Happy birthday to Sid Caeser, Patsy Cline, and Pink. Today's birthdays aren't even conversation worthy.

I really need to start outlining blogs before I write them.

Thursday is Now Blogging Day

Happy first day of Hogwarts! Unfortunately, it is my seventh day of junior year. And in case you are unaware of what makes junior different than the rest of high school, let me fill you in.

It is basically the most stressful year it is possible to experience before you become a real grown-up. I know that it is really stressful in different ways for everyone, but super quickly I will fill you in on why it will be particularly stressful for me.

I am taking seven courses after school. Five of those are academic, three of those academic courses are AP or IB, and my other two courses are advanced performing arts classes. Starting next week it's back to Hebrew High after school twice a week and a week from Sunday is the volunteer orientation for the organization I volunteer for. I'm also the treasurer of my school's drama club, which means I'm basically required to be as involved in theatre as possible. I know for a fact I am going to be in at least two (out of a possible five) shows this school year in addition to playing on my school's improv team.

And then there's homework. And eating. And sleeping. And maybe having a social life. And learning how to drive.

I'm not looking for sympathy from you lovely readers, but I think it's important that you guys know that I'm not going to be popping in for random blogs. I am designating Thursday as blogging day because today is Thursday and I am blogging, so it might as well become a regular thing. I always feel guilty when I don't blog often, even though I know that absolutely no one is reading this.

So.... what to talk about now? I mean, I can tell you all of the embarrassing things that have happened to me thus far this year, but that's no fun for me. I could talk about my teachers, but that's probably a bad idea in the long run.

OH DISCUSSION IDEA. It's been suggested to me by a variety of people in a variety of situations that I should try my hand at vlogging. I actually have an idea for a pretty funny vlog, I'm just really bad at the actual video making process. So, should I try it? If anyone bothers to comment on this, I promise I'll consider it.

Happy birthday to Engelbert Humperdinck (who wins at life simply because of his name), Engelbert Zaschka (who comes in second), Lily Tomlin, Gloria Estefan, Joseph Williams, Shoshana Bean, and a very special happy birthday to my friend Alexandra, who I hope is having a wonderful time in New York. I hope my jealousy isn't too thinly veiled.

Okay guys, see you next Thursday. I have to go attempt at being productive.

A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words

I've always been mildly offensive by the phrase, "A picture is worth a thousand words." Speaking as someone who has absolutely no visual artistic capabilities and as someone who is confident enough in her writing abilities to publish them on this website, I've always felt like writers don't get enough credit because of this statement. Personally, I could tell a whole lot more by writing a thousand words (which in actuality isn't really that much) then I could by drawing a picture.

For example, if I wanted to do an a thousand word character sketch, I could tell you so much more about a person than I could by drawing him. Obviously this isn't the same for some people, but the saying is so famous and is treated like the ultimate truth.

So, I had an idea for an experiment. I would like to find an artist of the visual variety, and I think it would be really interesting if we tried to get the same message across, except I would have a limit of exactly 1,000 words and the artist would have to use 0 and just.... draw or something. It would be really interesting to see how we each interpret the subject and what other people get out of it. I don't know. I've been really ADD recently. It's hard to put my thoughts into words. (My brain right now: awtegrhtgrerghnggrfergtgbrfebg)

I'm sorry, I just felt like doing a spur of the moment post and this was on my mind and then this post happened. AGH.

No famous happy birthdays today, but I would like to say happy birthday to two very good friends. Today is both Vanni's (my friend who lives in Germany and I miss her very much) birthday and Nicki's (my friend who lives in the same city and I am going to see later) birthday. If either of you are reading this, I love you both VERY much and have wonderful, memorable birthdays.

I'll post something more coherent later. I haven't even proofread this.

Journaling

I am a sporadic journal keeper. I've always loved the idea of a journal; some of my favorite books have been in the style of a diary. Pretty much for as long as I can remember I have had a journal in some form, I just am so inconsistent about writing in them. I've been working on my AP English summer assignment (yay for not completely procrastinating!) and today I read an essay about keeping a notebook.

In this essay ("On Keeping a Notebook" by Joan Didion) a differentiation was made between having a notebook and a diary. Most of my journals would fit under her description of a diary, but I do have a little tiny book that would fit under her description of a notebook. Ok, this probably makes no sense. Let me explain in more depth.

I have one journal that I haven't written in for months. This is a book where I go over the events of the day and how I feel and stuff like that. This would fit under Didion's definition of a diary. I also have a little tiny purse sized notebook where I write down dreams primarily. I just jot down things that I know I will forget later and might want to remember. This falls into Didion's notebook category, which according to her is more for just putting thoughts and musings about anything and not describing everyday life.

After reading this essay I was prompted to look through my current journal and my past ones. I realized a couple things about my writing. One is that I write a lot more when I'm depressed, which should tell you a lot about the person I am right there. When I'm upset I go through and list all the things that are upsetting me and who I'm mad at and why I'm stressed and how awful I feel. Really, if a stranger read anything I write they'd think that I'm a very depressed person. However, if I ever choose to write when I'm happy, the entry is usually like, "Today was a very good day because I spent time with my friends, I'll write more about it later." Except I never do write about it later, and looking back I usually have no idea why I was so happy. And this realization reminded me of a quote by Hank Green:

"We often just accept the things we like and complain a lot about the things we don't like. But if we could, like intensely dwell on the really great things in life the way we intensely dwell on the negative things in life, I think that would be fantastic."

I wish the human psyche worked like this. This summer complaining has become one of my absolute worst pet peeves. Yes, I realize this is hypocritical but they say that when something about another person bothers you it reflects a bad trait that you have, and I realize this. I think I've started complaining less. And if I haven't I will try harder. It just really makes me angry when people complain about things that either (a) they got themselves into and ultimately has a good outcome [i.e. going to summer school, which is completely optional and allows for an easier school year] or (b) have absolutely no solution, so there's no point in complaining [i.e. the fact that summer school starts really early in the morning]. And I totally realize that I have been known to do both of these things, but I am going to firmly decide to make myself stop. Which reminds me, I am so glad that summer school ended for me three weeks ago.

And here is the second thing that reflecting on old writings has taught me about my writing style- I write in second person way more than I should. When I entered that fiction contest I told you guys about (update: I didn't get accepted, but the person who reviewed mine told me that I'm a very talented writer but my piece wasn't exactly what they were looking for. Oh, well.) I kept directly addressing my audience. I guess it was a stylistic choice, but it's something I do a lot. Weird, huh?

Happy birthday to Alexandre Dumas and Maya Rudolph. And I'm pretty sure it's also Nicki's sister Ili's birthday. So happy birthday to all of you!

I think I'm going to go read some of my middle school journals. Those one's are the funniest.

Writing Fiction

The Spark Notes blog is holding a fiction contest, and the deadline is Monday morning. I decided to write a short story. It's really, really hard.

The only criteria is that the story has to be funny. It can be any type of humor "from subtle sarcasm to fart jokes." I'm going for subtle sarcasm, but I don't know if it's working. I'm not going to tell you guys what it's about, because it isn't a plot heavy story. They asked for stories to be around 1000 words, and I've already written around 600. I don't like the first 400 that much though. Agh this is really hard.

I think the problem is I started writing without an idea. I had a character in mind, and then I ran with it and started building a story and other characters. I'm not writing because I had a character and a story that I just needed to write down- I need to write something down so I just made up a character and a story.

Plus, I'm currently enduring the pandemic that is Post-Potter-Depression. Really, I look like a total mess right now. I can't function properly. I haven't even tried to distract myself, because everything is Harry Potter and everything hurts. My life is truly all down hill from here.

Ok, this isn't working. I'm not going to finish writing tonight anyway. I need to sleep or something.

Happy birthday to James Cagney, Phyllis Diller, and David Hasselhoff.

I'll try to post a more coherent post sometime soon. Chances are it will revolve around Harry Potter or the story I'm attempting at writing. More than likely Harry Potter.

Abandonment

I feel really bad about my tendency towards abandonment when it comes to this blog. I don't know why, but my motivation to continuously update is kind of on the low side, especially considering my lack of followers. However, in recent weeks I can say a contributing factor is the total consumption of my mind by one topic- Harry Potter. I don't want to get all sentimental and make myself cry for the millionth time, but I wrote this little paragraph for a contest, and my friend said it was beautiful, so I'll share it here. Until after the film, these are my feelings about being a part of the Harry Potter universe:

Harry Potter means being accepted into a community that is bigger than anything I have ever been apart of. Through the stories and adventures we have all shared with Harry, Hermione, Ron, and all the other characters who have touched our hearts millions of people from dozens of countries are connected. I have learned valuable lessons that aren't taught in school- Harry taught me to be brave even when it seems like all odds are against me, Ron showed me that loyalty, friendship, and family are more valuable than galleons, and Hermione made it clear that books and cleverness, although exceedingly useful, are all the more important when paired with friendship and bravery. Jo created a world that brought her out of a dark depression, but unknowingly she created a safe haven that would welcome millions of wanderers home. I am eternally grateful to Jo and to everyone who has made the Harry Potter series possible. The seven books are something like the seven horcruxes- the each encompass a small part of my soul.

So, yeah. That's a brief summary of how I feel right now.

Happy birthday to John Calvin, Jerry Herman, Fiona Shaw, Sofia Vergara, Adrian Grenier, and Jessica Simpson.

I'll try to blog more often, who ever's reading this. I have things to say.

Honesty

I'm not a liar. I don't try to convince people that I'm good at sports, a natural blonde, or that I'm a prodigious clarinet player. However, I have had a problem with bending the truth.

This isn't a habit I'm proud of or I do intentionally, but I usually use it when something bad happens to ease the pain for myself. And probably I subconsciously want other people to view me a certain way, but at least in my conscious mind it seems like I tell little half truths to avoid facing the magnitude of the truth.

For example, right now I'm taking three weeks of an Algebra II class at summer school. I didn't flunk out or anything, but I took a really hard IB math course first semester (moral of this story: the IB program is not my thing) and that resulted in me getting a C and switching into Algebra II. I did pretty well in the second semester Algebra II class, but I have to get a B in summer school or they won't let me into Pre-Calculus, and I'll have to take finite mathematics, which frankly is a stupid person math class.

That, right there, was the truth. However, when people ask me why I'm in the class I don't mention the grades or the impending doom of finite math, I just kind of shrug and say it's to get the credits for college. Which is also true, it's just not the main reason. This leads me to two questions:

1. Is it necessary that other people know the truth about my faults?

2. Is it necessary for my own personal improvement that I tell other people about my faults?

So far I feel that the answer to question one is no, but the answer to question two might be yes. When it comes to talking to people I don't know very well or am uncomfortable with, it's often easier to give the shorter, half-true answer. But I don't know if it's good for me to go on like that, especially with people I feel like I could be close friends with. For example (I need to think of another phrase that means 'for example'), earlier last year I was walking with my friend Clair at school when we saw a poster for the fall play. She casually asked me if I had auditioned, and I said no. But I had auditioned, I just hadn't gotten in.

Was I harming anyone with that little white lie? No. It didn't effect anyone or anything. But if I can't own up to my own little slip-ups to my friends, then what's going to happen when I have a BIG slip-up? Because I do mess up a lot of things. I poked myself in the eye with a straw today. If that can happen I can probably mess up a lot of things. And I think it's important that I can acknowledge my own downfalls, and until I'm at a place where I can do that securely and not beat myself up and spiral downhill into a pit of low self-esteem. Until then, I just need to be honest. Not necessarily to complete strangers, but always to my friends.

Take today, for example (darn you stupid phrase). After summer school I walked to lunch with my friends Tyler and Haley, and although I've known them for a while (I've actually known Haley since I was about six or seven), we haven't spent much time just us. And we were at lunch for a really long time, thankfully we were three of the only people in the restaurant, and we just rambled on from subject to subject and I was able to be really honest with them. We just talked about our experiences with theatre and other random things and I didn't lie or stretch the truth or eliminate facts. And it was all very good and lovely and nothing bad happened, and I hope I can be like that in the future. I would continue boring you with musings on my innermost qualities, but I have to catch a bus at 6:45 tomorrow morning and force a grumpy bus driver to make change for a ten, so I'm going to go to sleep.

Happy birthday to Joseph Papp, Kris Kristofferson, Meryl Streep, Cyndi Lauper, Erin Brockovich, and Dan Brown. Ok, that sentence was so filled with awesome, I can't even.... just go back and read that sentence again.

6:45 tomorrow.... I can't do this.

Part Two: Summer... It's Still Back

It seems like yesterday I left off talking about an appropriate workout mindset, and it seems I have on because I totally completed my first day of workout-ing today. I actually ended up doing an hour and a half more of aerobics then I planned on, but that's a story for another day.

I feel the workout was successful. I worked up a quite the sweat and I felt the burn in the intended muscles. Sophie was making fun of me because of the silly exercises in Seventeen, but I am frankly not close to being as in shape as she is, and these did the trick for my quote of training today. And the regimen was written by a really important celebrity fitness trainer named Harley. I trust him. And honestly, if I can't trust Lady Gaga's personal trainer, who can I trust?

I think the motivation thing might actually work out this year, basically because if I don't work out I'm not allowed to watch a movie or read for pleasure (I have to read for school every day regardless). Today, since I worked out, I get to read for pleasure for an hour (I JUST GOT THE NEW ANN BRASHARES BOOK!!!!!! WHO'S JEALOUS?), then I'm going to watch a movie, and then as a cool down before bed I'm going to read from my psych textbook. It's kind of... not the most difficult course I'm taking next year. And anyway, after the whirlwind day I've had, I really need a break. (No, I'm not going into details about my adventure. Maybe tomorrow.)

Happy birthday to Lionel Richie, Nicole Kidman, and my wonderful best friend, Arielle, who was kidnapped today, out of love, by Sophie and I.

NOW I GET TO READ. BECAUSE IT'S SUMMER. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH.

Summer... It's Back

This is the fourth consecutive summer I have had this blog. And many of you faithful readers have probably noticed a trend about my relationship with the dry season... that relationship being not the best.

I'm not a summer person. Although I'm completely Californian, I'm not into the heat nor the beach, I don't like always having to look skinny and perfectly shaven (summer clothing does not do much for my body) and I never really do anything. When I was little I went to camp, which was wonderful and I am so grateful for. But now that I'm older, and on top of that I only have my learner's permit, there isn't much to do. My family is going on vacation in August, and I'm extremely excited, but until then, what do I do? I have to go to summer school for twelve days and I have a pile of summer assignments and reading on my desk, but aside from those my schedule is open. SO, I have come up with a plan.

I have to do something productive every single day. I know, productive is an extremely vague word. But for example, on Friday I cleaned and organized and decorated my room. Yesterday I was not home between the hours of 11 A.M. and 12 A.M. so nothing productive got done. Today I went on an adventure with Sophie and we bought Arielle's birthday present. That's productive. But overall I want to productivity to fall under two categories- either working out or working on school. Preferably both. But every summer Seventeen magazine publishes a workout schedule, and I sort of followed it last summer. It's extremely doable. But this summer I intend on completing the entire five week schedule. It's Monday-Friday, so I have no weekend commitments to training. However, I will have to avoid sweets. My friend Gabby and her friend made a deal with each other to only have on dessert every two days (or something like that) and the first person to break the diet owed the other $300. I don't have $300, nor a person to give that money too, but hopefully the mindset thing will help.

Ok, so I have to stop blogging now because my family expects me to drop everything whenever I'm doing something to fit their schedule, so expect a part two this evening. Bye for now.

Pity

No one makes you feel anything. I believe that to be true. For example, people say, "She made me feel guilty." Well, no. You already felt guilty, this person just pointed it out. If you didn't actually feel bad, then someone saying those things wouldn't have made you feel any differently. However, I do think that there is one particular feeling that can evoke strong emotions through another person, and that emotion is pity.

Personally, whenever I'm sad or upset or angry or anything to that affect, it isn't real until someone feels bad for me. Until someone says, "I'm sorry," or gives me a hug and sympathetic smile I can't let the feeling out. Of course it depends on the situation, but I am currently being very broad. Everything hurts more when someone else feels you are worthy of their sympathy. This is probably just because it is a reminder of the painful emotions, but it still sucks.

That's why I hate pity so much. Sometimes I need to talk to people about something. If so, I let someone know I want to talk to them. But otherwise I think it's just best if life goes on as normal. Wait, now I'm being an internal hypocrite. Sometimes when I'm upset I prefer if my friends notice and don't wait for me to tell them, and then I get irritated when they don't ask. That's usually when I'm PMSing though, and PMS doesn't count.

In case you were wondering, this wasn't prompted by anything. Yes, I did get rejected at an audition, but I was in a really good mindset for that so I'm literally fine. I haven't even cried or anything, which is weird for me. It just got me thinking about other times when I have been legitimately upset.

It's technically June 7. The only reason I'm up this late is because I'm avoiding doing extra credit. And I need extra credit. I'm just avoiding it. We're getting our yearbooks today. Once you get your yearbooks, that's it, school's over. Even though senioritis has kicked in for everyone (it's not just for seniors anymore!) once the yearbooks go around, it's serious. And that's not really good, because finals haven't happened yet. Oh, well. I love yearbooks. They're probably up there in my favorite kinds of books.

Happy birthday to Liam Neeson, Prince, and Bear Grylls.

*dramatic sigh*.............. homework.................

I Feel Awesome

If any of you know me or have been following this blog for pretty much any amount of time, you would know that I am technologically inept. I don't know how to use most devices invented in my lifetime, or before it for that matter, and the one's I do know how to use I have a tendency to break. This facet of my life (the facet where I break things and don't know how to use the one's I don't break) recently came into a conflict with my dance life (the life where I dance for P.E. credits because running scares me). For our dance final, we were basically told to get into groups and choreograph a dance using one of the styles we had studied this year. My group is thankfully comprised entirely of people I'm friends with, and being the huge Disney nerds that we are we chose to do a jazz dance to a medley of songs from the movie Hercules.

However, being the huge Disney nerds we are does not mean any of us know how to cut music, and considering we wanted to squish the three most dance-able song from Hercules into approximately two minutes, music cutting was necessary. But being the person that I am, I stepped up and said that I would take it upon myself to cut the music.

This is the part where you should all be going *headdesk headdesk headdesk.* Why didn't my friends try to stop me? Well, voice inside my head, I don't know either. But my friends fell for me fake confidence and told me that cutting the music was a responsibility I was perfectly capable of taking on. Are you shaking your head in despair yet?

The music for the dance is due tomorrow, and this afternoon I sat down at my computer and decided I should probably make that happen. And by that I mean I sat down at my computer having absolutely no idea what to do. Please try not to laugh at me as I explain the various methods and attempts I used.

PLAN A

The first thought that came into my head was that I would video tape the YouTube videos of the songs I wanted, upload those videos to Windows Movie Maker, and smash them all together and make a video montage, except that the video part wouldn't be important. However, when you video tape a video, the sound quality gets really, really bad. Also, I couldn't figure out how to get all three files into one place, because I would upload one video to movie maker, and then when I uploaded the second video the first one would disappear. So that plan went out the window.

PLAN B

I miraculously found an option on Windows LIVE Movie Maker (keyword: live, previously I had been using plan old Movie Maker) to upload audio only. At this point, I decided to stop being cheap, get onto my desktop (where I have iTunes installed) and actually pay for the music I wanted. So, after going through all the annoying processes that iTunes makes you go through before you buy one simple .99 cent song, I was kind of stuck. I started by trying to upload the iTunes audio files to movie maker, which took way longer then it should have. Before I could even figure out how to cut the music, I was told that the music cannot be played until I have enough images to take up the time of the song. I went to Windows Help, because I had no idea what they meant, and there I found a sneaky way to get around this little rule, which is that you fix the image to stay on the screen the entire time the music played. I was excited at this prospect, but it didn't work. Don't ask me what went wrong, I have no freaking clue.

PLAN C

I was getting pretty desperate at this point. I tried calling a couple friends who I was aware were more technologically savvy then I am (i.e. everybody), and I was eventually able to reach Jack (a.k.a Shaq). Shaq and I were able to use our combined knowledge of iTunes to figure out how to cut the music to the desired length (while still retaining the original file and not loosing forever the parts of the song that are not in our dance) and make these songs into a seamless CD. And here's the kicker:

IT WORKED. Everything worked! I was able to cut the music, which took a while because I was being so OCD and anal retentive about the transitions, and download the whole thing on a CD, and then play the CD with no problems!

I have to say, my self-esteem went through the roof. For the first time in my life I have been able to do something mildly technologically advanced with a minimal amount of help and no face-to-face human interaction. Future possibilities are endless- who knows what weird tech savvy stuff I'll be doing next.

Now I'm debating whether or not I will tell the girls in my dance class about my minor fails. Do the ends justify the means? In this case, I definitely think so. Needless to say, I've been listening to me CD pretty much non-stop since I realized it worked perfectly. Hercules is going to be stuck in my head for the rest of my life.

Happy birthday to Mel Blanc, Wynonna Judd, and Cee-Lo Green. I love birthdays.

I think now I'm going to call Sydney and relay this information to her. Partially just because I need to stop listening to my CD over and over again.

No, My Luck Has Not Changed

Everything is back to normal. The universe has righted itself. My luck has not changed for good.

This morning I dropped my lunch box. I drop things all the time, but today happened to be the day when I dropped my lunch box while there was a glass bottle filled with coffee inside it. So, when I picked it up all I had was a lunch box filled with coffee and glass shards. I didn't eat lunch today.

Aside from that my day was just generally unlucky. I made mistakes in math and Hebrew (two classes where I usually don't make mistakes) and it was just.... Monday. In the words of my dad, it was a very Monday Monday.

On the bright side, thanks to the tumblah I have found myself a website where I can download a bunch of OBC recording absolutely free of charge. My life just got a whole lot better. On the down side, I have a ton of lines that should be memorized right now... and aren't. Well, there goes my night.

This post got boring way to quickly. You'd think listening to The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee and Avenue Q soundtracks would make me more witty. Oh, well.

Happy birthday to Drew Carey..... screw it I don't care about these people.

The universe has aligned itself once more.

Has My Luck Finally Changed?

Usually I resort to blogging about my personal life when things aren't exactly going my way, which I have to admit is very often. I'm not the luckiest person in the world. Wait, let me rephrase that. I don't believe in luck. I believe in hard work and determination. However, even with the factors of hard work and determination, I have had the misfortune of wrong-place-at-the-wrong-time syndrome and people around me making stupid decisions that affect me adversely. But recently, some pretty good things have been happening to me. And it's kind of weird.

Just a week ago, if any of my friends could have attested to the fact that I wasn't in the greatest mood. Things, like usual, weren't really working out as I expected. School was getting extremely difficult and my social life was suffering (will, my social life is never not suffering), and I was generally not happy about certain aspects of my life. Then Thursday and Friday happened.

Thursday is drama club day, as any of my fellow thespians could tell you. But this Thursday wasn't just any drama club day, it was ELECTION DAY. I worked hard on my speech, (In case you were running, my entire speech rhymed. Thank goodness for rhymezone.com), dressed really nicely, and was just generally ready to go. However, I had promised my friend formerly known as Jack that I would impress him with my physical prowess by doing a cartwheel in my speech. Unfortunately, while I was practicing my speech at home I hit my foot on a chair and fell out of the cartwheel. Yeah, I know, I'm brilliant. So, last minute I needed to resort to the one other physically impressive thing I could do: the splits. Fortunately, my dash of flexibility mixed in with my incredible rhyme-filled story telling capability and persuasiveness, I secured Shaquille's (that would be the friend formerly known as Jack) vote, and apparently a lot of other people's too- I got elected to board! Not only did I get elected, but so did the other six people who comprised the "dream team" of students that my friends and I hoped would make the board. Yes, my sentence structure is in fact flawless.

The next good thing that happened to me occurred on Friday morning when I passed my permit test. Yay! However, this doesn't really mean anything yet since I can't legally get behind the wheel until after my first hour of instruction, and even then I can only drive in daylight hours with a licensed driver over the age of 25 in the vehicle. Additionally, my picture is disgusting. But I'm six months closer to freedom!

The third good thing that happened to me was that I got into link crew, but everyone who shows up to their interview gets in, so I don't really count that one.

Now for the fourth fortuitous event, which also proves itself to by the most surprising and confusing. On Wednesday I auditioned for mixed choir, which is the more advanced of the two choirs at my school. I practiced a lot, with the help of some of my more musically gifted friends, and I had an appropriate level of nervousness before the audition. It wasn't until I stood up there in front of the judges that it actually hit me. I was physically shaking, and I couldn't stop no matter how hard I tried. When I started singing the sound that came out of my mouth surprised me, my face most have looked ridiculous due to the shock I felt at how bad I sounded. In my mind it was one of my worst performances of that song I had done, and the pity hug I got from Elizabeth when I was done with the audition didn't help. The teacher told the group of auditioning girls that he was looking for 14 boys and 17 girls.

On Friday, some of the boys in band overheard the two music teacher discussing the mixed choir list, and they told a few of my friends that they had made it. At this point I wasn't too nervous, because there were still remaining spots for female singers, and it didn't seem like that many girls auditioned.

That afternoon in choir, the girls who got into mixed were congratulated by our teacher, myself included! I was so happy and proud of all my friends who had gotten in, and it really seemed like next year was going to be in our year. However, something was off- the grand total of singers amounted to 17 guys and 13 girls, a complete reverse of what was expected. With this announcement, a thought was planted in my mind, and as anyone who has seen Inception can tell you, once a thought enters your mind, it doesn't leave.

My thought stewed inside me but I didn't dare mention it in front of the other girls, because once it is spoken then it's real. But yesterday, one of my friends mentioned a rumor she had heard that basically confirmed my thought- not enough girls auditioned for mixed choir, so everyone who had auditioned got in.

Although I am glad I got in, I didn't want to get in this way. Now I am only going to doubt myself. Did I get in because I deserved it, or simply because they needed voices? I'd like to think our school's music department had enough integrity that they would reject musicians who can't pull their own weight, no matter what the need.

In summation, I basically don't know what to think right now. I don't know whether to be happy I got in, or upset because I didn't really deserve it. It also gives me just another reason to distrust my singing capabilities.

In the coming days I have two more auditions, one in two days and one in two weeks. Until then, I will try to be happy with the outcomes I already know about, even though I am not sure if I should be or not.

Happy birthday to Mary Cassatt (that woman is legitimately my favorite artist), Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Laurence Olivier, Harvey Milk, Naomi Campbell, Ginnifer Goodwin, and, most importantly, my baby sister Abby, who turns 14 today. Additionally, happy anniversary to my parents, without whom I obviously would not be here today. That is all.

Oh, yeah, happy Lag B'Omer to all my fellow Jews! Go start a fire.

It's Time For...... A RANT

Two rants for today, starting with.... A FASHION RANT:

Last night I went to my school's fashion show, and fortunately the two lines I voted for (my friend Stephanie's Getty/Black Swan inspired line and Nicki's Lady Gaga line) took first and second place respectively. Yes, that would be me correctly predicting popular opinion! Anyway, I really enjoyed the fashion show, especially considering that after the less-than-great day I had yesterday, I really didn't want to go. But I put down my pride and decided it was necessary for me to be there to support my friends, sucked it up, and went to the fashion show.

Something that was really interesting about this... display was the wide variety of types of lines. Some of the girls, to put it simply, designed things with little to no originality that reminded me of things girls wore all the time and probably bought at Forever 21. Thankfully, these girls didn't win. Others designed more costume-y pieces, there was even on completely Halloween themed line. Stephanie and Nicki both designed very high fashion. Stephanie's line I could envision very clearly on celebrities walking the read carpet-all of her gowns were absolutely gorgeous. Not necessarily sensible for the mainstream audience, but gorgeous. Nicki's line was very clear an art display. It was Lady Gaga inspired, but it wasn't a direct imitation. I.E. she didn't make a dress out of meat... but one outfit did feature some candy. One of the things that made me so impressed with Nicki's line in particular was that I know Nicki, and as a person she is very conservative. She dresses nicely but modestly and is soft-spoken and polite. None of those adjectives could have described this line. Just so show you what I mean, when my friend Sophie came on the runway modeling a dress Nicki made that was completely hand painted and gorgeous and strange, I yelled, "OH MY GAWD!" causing Sophie to laugh and break her model-concentration-face. Yeah, my self-control is fabulous.

Anyway, so we had Stephanie and Nicki's awesome designer-status lines and then we had some pretty crappy and clearly not well made Forever 21 like lines, but there wasn't very much in between. The closest thing I saw to anything that was original but mainstream enough that I could see myself wearing it in public was my friend Jody's Peter Pan inspired line. She made really nice, quality clothing that I would definitely wear. And Jody, if you are reading this since I know you follow my blog, I am not saying this to make you happy. I'm saying this because it's true.

Well, this evening of fashion as represented by people at my school who are interested in fashion, brought me to think about the types of fashion that I am exposed to on a daily basis at my school. You see, my school has a reputation for being indie. So, we get our fair share of people who dress like this. Then, on the opposite extreme, my school has a reputation for being kind of slutty and low class. For that, we have the girls who dress like this. Then there are average girls and girls who find it socially acceptable to wear pajamas to school. Now, I like to think of myself as a girl who dresses... nicely? I've had people accuse me of being unbelievably indie, but my personal favorite is the word that Sydney invented specifically in order to describe my fashion sense: chosh. It's a combination of chic and posh. Essentially, I like to look presentable. An average outfit for me would be a floral dress with a cardigan and oxfords or (if I haven't shaved my legs) skinny jeans, a nice blouse, a statement belt, and TOMS or Converse. However, I generally prefer to wear dresses or skirts. Pants or for cold weather (otherwise known as no shave weather). So, I just like to be presentable. But then again, my outlook on clothes is entirely different than that on hair and makeup. In the morning, I take putting on clothes very seriously. However, I don't wear a drop of makeup and the most effort I'll put into my hair is a sloppy bun or a headband. I'm not too great with cosmetics.

So this brings me to my point. Why can't people just dress nicely? It really doesn't take that much effort to put on a pair of nice, dark wash jeans (I prefer dark wash to light wash), a simple, V-neck tee, shoes that aren't falling apart, and freshly brushed hair. A couple accessories and you're good to go. Something like this doesn't take any effort and all and looks casual, but clean and put together. Come on, people. Look nice.

Seriously, when I oversleep and don't look my best at school, I don't feel good. For me, clothes are all about self-confidence, and if you don't feel good in your clothes there's no point. Yet at the same time, there is a level of social acceptability that is necessary to maintain. Like with Jody's line, it has to be original yet slightly mainstream. It's a difficult balance, but I find by watching any given episode of What Not to Wear, Stacy and Clinton give enough useful advice to last a lifetime. I can't even hold a candle to their fashion knowledge.

Okay, the second rant will have to wait. Monster's Inc. is on, and I'm just not quite in the mood to write anymore.

Happy birthday to George Lucas, Cate Blanchett, Sofia Coppola, Amber Tamblyn, Mark Zuckerberg, and Miranda Cosgrove. Fun, fun, fun.

Although amazing, macaroni and cheese leaves an awful after taste.

I Planned on Posting Yesterday... Blogger was Down

As you hopefully discerned from the title, I planned on posting yesterday, but the evil menace that is the internet did not allow me to do so. This unfortunately means that three ideas for three separate blog entries that don't really mesh well together are all currently living together inside my brain and I don't know which one I feel like writing about. I have to discuss the Deep Thoughts Per Second Ratio Formula, My Evolution Through Shoes, and be teenage angsty. This can't all happen at once. What to do, what to do?

This blog is officially a fail. I guess this has turned into a teaser blog for the three posts I intend upon posting sometime in the near future. Ahhh so much writing! Well, a writer's gotta do what a writer's gotta do.

Happy birthday to HRE Maria Theresa (I guess the AP Euro thing isn't totally out of my system yet), Daphne du Maurier, Beatrice Arthur, Stevie Wonder, Stephen Colbert, Robert Pattinson, and Hunter Parrish.

I am now off to make an account on goodreads.com. My internet ADHD is out of control.

I'm sorry I've been so inactive in my blogging. I know all ten (double digits!) of my beautiful followers have probably been wondering what has been going on that has kept me away. Well, in order to relieve you of your suspense... I had the AP Euro test on Friday. So, the time between April 30 (my last post) and May 6 (AP Euro exam) it is pretty likely that I was off in a corner studying the going-ons in Europe from the Renaissance to the Cold War, shirking my responsibilities in all other areas, and procrastinating on something in some way. Since May 6.... I don't know I've just been busy doing nothing interesting. But I'm back in the blogosphere and blogging is now happening. Yes.

Which brings me to the the next order of business, the explaining of why I probably won't be around much in the next couple weeks. It's audition season, which is practically worse then exam season. Here is a brief overview of my schedule just so you get the gist of what's going on in my life when I'm not blogging:

Audition season kicks of on May 17 with my audition for one of the advanced choirs at my school. There are two of them, my schedule only allows me enough time to do one, if I get into one and not the other I will do that one, if I get into both I will pick the one that is taught by the teacher I don't currently have for non-advanced choir in order to have a different experience. If I get into neither, which ideally won't happen, I am not going to take choir again because I am sick of Choir I and am going to take a film or creative writing class, depending on what fits into my crazy-packed schedule.

Sometime between May 17 and 19 I will be called in to interview for Link Crew, a program at my school for getting new freshman acclimated to high school life. If you've been reading this blog for a little while you would know that. They told me that the interview is super casual and takes literally about ten minutes, and there isn't really anything for me to prepare, so I'm not exactly worried about that. Plus, I think my application was definitely good.

On what was supposed to be May 26 but was pushed up to May 19 I am running for drama board! I haven't written my speech yet, but I know what to say and how I want to say it, so hopefully that won't be a big deal. Just so you know, it's going to be pretty freakin awesome. That is the only detail allowed for now.

May 24 is the day I have to audition for Theatre III (that would be the highest level available at my school) via a monologue of my choosing. Too bad I haven't chosen a monologue yet, nor do I really know what direction I want to go with that. Dramatic? Comedic? Controversial? Awesome? Aaaaaggggghhhhh I need to get a monologue AQAP (as quickly as possible).

And, finally, the last audition I have to face until next fall, I am auditioning for a show that I hope to be in this summer. This show is called Chicago, which obviously has a lot of female characters in it, so I have hope for getting into the ensemble. However, the production company is very elite and I was considering auditioning with another elite company (they are doing The Sound of Music, and I've always wanted to play one of the kids) for security, but those auditions kind of already happened. So, that leaves Chicago, which I would really like to be apart of, however... I'm really, really scared. I had a nightmare about it last night, that's how scared I am. I haven't officially signed up for the audition either. I just feel like I'm not even close to good enough for the company and I already embarrass myself on a regular basis, so adding one more audition-related embarrassments to the list (current total: 6) is not something I want to happen any time soon. AH I'm such a coward.

So, that's basically what's going on with me. I apologize for the horrible vocabulary in this entry, I don't know why it sucked so much.

Happy birthday to one of the most awesomely named people ever, Karl Friedrich Hieronymus Freiherr von Münchhausen, who on top of all that is classified as an adventurer. I don't know who you are, but you seem fabulous. More happy birthdays go to Irving Berlin, Martha Graham, Salvador Dali, Natasha Richardson, and Cory Monteith.

I'm so happy I have STAR testing tomorrow. State mandated testing is the best, it makes me feel so adequate.