Just a week ago, if any of my friends could have attested to the fact that I wasn't in the greatest mood. Things, like usual, weren't really working out as I expected. School was getting extremely difficult and my social life was suffering (will, my social life is never not suffering), and I was generally not happy about certain aspects of my life. Then Thursday and Friday happened.
Thursday is drama club day, as any of my fellow thespians could tell you. But this Thursday wasn't just any drama club day, it was ELECTION DAY. I worked hard on my speech, (In case you were running, my entire speech rhymed. Thank goodness for rhymezone.com), dressed really nicely, and was just generally ready to go. However, I had promised my friend formerly known as Jack that I would impress him with my physical prowess by doing a cartwheel in my speech. Unfortunately, while I was practicing my speech at home I hit my foot on a chair and fell out of the cartwheel. Yeah, I know, I'm brilliant. So, last minute I needed to resort to the one other physically impressive thing I could do: the splits. Fortunately, my dash of flexibility mixed in with my incredible rhyme-filled story telling capability and persuasiveness, I secured Shaquille's (that would be the friend formerly known as Jack) vote, and apparently a lot of other people's too- I got elected to board! Not only did I get elected, but so did the other six people who comprised the "dream team" of students that my friends and I hoped would make the board. Yes, my sentence structure is in fact flawless.
The next good thing that happened to me occurred on Friday morning when I passed my permit test. Yay! However, this doesn't really mean anything yet since I can't legally get behind the wheel until after my first hour of instruction, and even then I can only drive in daylight hours with a licensed driver over the age of 25 in the vehicle. Additionally, my picture is disgusting. But I'm six months closer to freedom!
The third good thing that happened to me was that I got into link crew, but everyone who shows up to their interview gets in, so I don't really count that one.
Now for the fourth fortuitous event, which also proves itself to by the most surprising and confusing. On Wednesday I auditioned for mixed choir, which is the more advanced of the two choirs at my school. I practiced a lot, with the help of some of my more musically gifted friends, and I had an appropriate level of nervousness before the audition. It wasn't until I stood up there in front of the judges that it actually hit me. I was physically shaking, and I couldn't stop no matter how hard I tried. When I started singing the sound that came out of my mouth surprised me, my face most have looked ridiculous due to the shock I felt at how bad I sounded. In my mind it was one of my worst performances of that song I had done, and the pity hug I got from Elizabeth when I was done with the audition didn't help. The teacher told the group of auditioning girls that he was looking for 14 boys and 17 girls.
On Friday, some of the boys in band overheard the two music teacher discussing the mixed choir list, and they told a few of my friends that they had made it. At this point I wasn't too nervous, because there were still remaining spots for female singers, and it didn't seem like that many girls auditioned.
That afternoon in choir, the girls who got into mixed were congratulated by our teacher, myself included! I was so happy and proud of all my friends who had gotten in, and it really seemed like next year was going to be in our year. However, something was off- the grand total of singers amounted to 17 guys and 13 girls, a complete reverse of what was expected. With this announcement, a thought was planted in my mind, and as anyone who has seen Inception can tell you, once a thought enters your mind, it doesn't leave.
My thought stewed inside me but I didn't dare mention it in front of the other girls, because once it is spoken then it's real. But yesterday, one of my friends mentioned a rumor she had heard that basically confirmed my thought- not enough girls auditioned for mixed choir, so everyone who had auditioned got in.
Although I am glad I got in, I didn't want to get in this way. Now I am only going to doubt myself. Did I get in because I deserved it, or simply because they needed voices? I'd like to think our school's music department had enough integrity that they would reject musicians who can't pull their own weight, no matter what the need.
In summation, I basically don't know what to think right now. I don't know whether to be happy I got in, or upset because I didn't really deserve it. It also gives me just another reason to distrust my singing capabilities.
In the coming days I have two more auditions, one in two days and one in two weeks. Until then, I will try to be happy with the outcomes I already know about, even though I am not sure if I should be or not.
Happy birthday to Mary Cassatt (that woman is legitimately my favorite artist), Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Laurence Olivier, Harvey Milk, Naomi Campbell, Ginnifer Goodwin, and, most importantly, my baby sister Abby, who turns 14 today. Additionally, happy anniversary to my parents, without whom I obviously would not be here today. That is all.
Oh, yeah, happy Lag B'Omer to all my fellow Jews! Go start a fire.
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