Tuesday, January 27, 2009

1/27/09

I have a language arts final tomorrow and instead of studying I'm writing in my blog! OH YEAH!

I choose to do this for two reasons:
Uno: Language arts is my best subject and I am so not worried about the final. From what my teacher has told us it is going to be so easy.
Dos: I have multiple funny stories to tell you, and I don't really know how I am going to transisition into each of them so I'll just go with the flow.

Last night I had a 45 minutes phone conversation with Chad, the tech support guy from Texas. It was so weird. My tivo wasn't working so I called tech support. And I spoke to a guy named Chad. From Texas. He fixed my tivo though. All we had to do was delete a bunch of stuff because we didn't have any room left thanks to a certain sister of mine who won't delete the inauguration. Which is 7 and 1/2 hours long. Seriously. She is never going to watch it start to finish. And if she wants to see his speech she can just go on YouTube. Honestly. So thanks Chad! You really helped. I'm telling you this because you didn't call me back between the hours of 6 and 7 Pacific Standard Time like you said to check on my progress. And American Idol is on in 8 minutes and if I'm not done blogging by then I expect it to be recording. You hear that Chad?

See, now I can't make a good transition into my next story! This is terrible. Well I'll just have to be random then.

I hate mint. Under any circumstance. I also hate libraries. Libraries disgust me. I love books (I own over 200) but I can't stand libraries. They just seem like dirty places to me. I won't deny that some pretty gross things have happened to my books. I sneeze on books. I cough on books. I even bleed on books (paper cuts, the nasty little buggers (I love when British people say bugger, so I had to incorparate it)).

So how can I tell what these books have been through? Who knows how many people have touched them? Sneezed on them, coughed on them, even SMOKED on them! We all know second hand smoke is dangerous. It can even cause lung cancer. I can see it now, a booky little nerd walks into the doctors office one day....
Ummm..... Gretchen: Doctor Rip Studwell, I've been coughing like crazy and I don't know what's going on!
Doctor Studwell:We'll have to run a few tests before I could properly diagnos this. It will only take a few minutes.
A FEW HOURS LATER
Doctor Studwell: Gretchen, I'm afriad I have some bad news.
Gretchen: What's up Doc? (Looney Tunes ;)!!!! I <3>
Doctor Studwell: I'm afriad you have (dramatic pause while music plays) lung cancer.
Gretchen: (starting to sob) But doctor, I don't smoke. No one in my family, or even any of my friends smoke. I live in a farm community with fresh air. I only ever really go to the library...
Doctor Studwell: Did you say LIBRARY???? (dun dun dun)
Gretchen: Of course, I just checked out War and Peace for the 1,523,845,993th...
Doctor Studwell: That might be your problem. You have contracted 2nd hand smoke from going to the library to often.
Gretchen: NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Creepy announcer dude who isn't Don LaFontaine: What will happen to Gretchen? Will Doctor Studwell's hair gel seep into his brain? Tune in next week on: *insert punny soap opera title here*
If anyone knows where Doctor Rip Studwell comes from you'll get a special prize!!!!!!!
I have one more funny story but it might not be that funny. It's only funny on video and Snickers video taped it as it happened but I can't post that here. So I'll try.
Well, I was cleaning up my dog's poop, and when I was done I was going to chuck it all over the fence like I usually do, because I live on top of a hill and the bunny rabbits and coyotes don't complain. But as I was throwing it, my hand slipped on the handle of the pooper scooper and it wen't flying over the fence into the bushes.
Well, I couldn't get it back. So I grabbed the lemon picker and got seated on top of the fence but I still couldn't get the pooper scooper back, so I had to climb over. Once on the other side, low and behold, the lemon picker broke. So I had to hack through the bushes until I was able to get the pooper scooper and lemon picker (both pieces). I then through those over the fence and hoisted myself over. I also fell in the dirt. I almost slid down the hill.
See that totally wasn't funny. Bleh.
Speaking of fences how can people on the East Coast not have fences in their backyard? What if you have a dog or a pool or little kids? I'd feel very unsafe.
Happy birthday to Willian Amadeus Mozart, Lewis Carrol, and Alan Cumming!
Oh that reminds me! My school is nominated for this awesome performing arts award so they came and watched the choir and the band and orchestras and they went to the art classes and some people from the cast of the play did scenes for them. IT WAS SO COOL! They video taped us in choir. And Snickers had a case of sour grapes because French isn't considered an art. Deal with it Snickers you got to perform with the cast.
Now I am going to watch American Idol! GOOD BYE!

6 comments:

Ashley said...

fairly odd parents.

carzzzzjr said...

well at least you didn't fall in the dog poo ;)

Snickers said...

Haha!! Omg, I SO wish I had videotaped the flinging of the pooper scooper over the fence! That part would have been funnier. The way you told it wasn't that funny. I'm serious. HA! And to Ashley's comment, Spongebob.
I WANT MY 92% PANTS BACK SARS!
Update. Now.

Snickers said...

P.S. This is not the first time I've read this post. The first time I read it was at Steph's house, and it's by far rthe funniest. And you know I'm not lying because I was laughing hysterically. Especially at the What's up, Doc? part. !!!!! I was just b ored, so I read it again. Okay, now I'm done.

Snickers said...

P.S.S. Rugby.

Snickers said...

Hey, you know what I think? I think that you should start doing an advice column in addition to your regular post. So people can ask questions through reviews, and you can answer them in your next post. It would be especially funny. I am a genius. Don't you ever deny it.