The Bad News Is, I Have a Problem

But the good news is, I have a solution.

For a very long time, the website known as SparkNotes has been helping high school students around the galaxy not fail at English. Wait, first you need to know that I do not endorse the practice known as 'not reading the book.' ALWAYS READ THE BOOK. But one time in freshman year, we read this really, really horrendous book, and with the help of SparkNotes I still got an A on the test. SparkNotes is incredibly useful when it comes to review and things like that, and they also have this wonderful place called the SparkLife Blog.

In this blog, things are written about. I really don't know how to explain this, it's just a blog. People blog about books, music, movies, life, advice, etc. Really what ever they want. SparkNotes has resident staffers who are paid to write things, but "Sparklers" are allowed to become contributors who write about... pretty much whatever they want. And this is something I really would like to do. I've kind of always wanted to, but I never really have important things to say. However, the fact that I have a constant need to write in this blog should alert you all to the fact that, at least subconsciously, I have something to say.

(that was the problem, in case you didn't discern that much already)

SO, I found the Sparkitors (editors) email address! And by found, I mean I noticed that there is a link on the side of the dashboard that says "Email the Editors." Powers of observation, yeah!

Which leads me to the solution to the problem. Tonight, after I finish and perfect my term paper on biblical allegory in Lord of the Flies, I am going to email the Spark Notes editors and inquire about how to start writing for them. And, if all goes as planned, I will have some great idea and the Sparkitors will go, "OH EM GEE, you should write that down and send it to us. Yeah!" And then I will be a published writer. Well, that's not true, technically I already am a published writer. Not only do I have this blog, in addition to other online written forums, but I've also been published in a magazine before. It's kind of embarrassing, so let's not get into that.

Happy birthday to Oliver Cromwell (BAM more AP Euro relevant birthdays), Ella Fitzgerald, Meadowlark Lemon (this is another example of a person who has an awesome name but has an existence I was unaware of), Al Pacino, Bjorn Ulvaeus, Ron Clements, and Renee Zellweger.

AGH I'm so freakin' hungry.

I've Got Gadgets and Gizmos Aplenty

I don't really like technology. I break it a lot and I have trouble figuring out how to use it. However, it has occurred to me that my self-proclaimed status as a 20th century girl and a hater of technological innovation keeps becoming, well... not accurate. Even though I still don't really know how to use anything, I keep coming into the ownership of technologically advanced things.

First of all, a couple weeks ago my mom literally forced me to stop using my perfectly acceptable LG Vu that I had been using for two and a half years. It did everything I needed it to, it called people, it texted people, I could take pictures, etc. However, occasionally it didn't like turning on. So my mom dragged me into the Verizon Wireless store, and I reluctantly decided to get a Droid. And a Droid is basically an iPhone, but different, so people have to ask me what kind of phone I have instead of just grabbing it and saying, "LOOK! iPhone! I play with it now!" However, I don't use many of the smart phone features of it. I go on the internet in absolute emergencies (example: argument with my dad over whether Alan Menken or Marc Shaiman arranged the music for Sister Act [answer: Shaiman arranged the movie, Menken arranged the Broadway show]) , and I do enjoy the app Words with Friends. I did LOVE Angry Birds, but I got stuck on level fifteen of part three in the first world (Poached Eggs) and I got sick of the game. So now I just call and text people and take pictures. The only difference between my Droid and my Vu is that I play Words with Friends. Oh well.

Then I have all my other devices that do things my brand new Droid can do but in a different fashion that I like better. I have my 2007 Project(red) 8 GB iPod nano. Julia got it for me for my bat mitzvah (which took place...three and a half years ago) and has about .8 GB left. But, all my music is in one little red box and my whole music library is on my family's desktop because I can't figure out how to move audio files onto an iTunes account on a different computer (my laptop, which I have had for nearly two years now). Additionally, I have my digital camera. I don't really remember when I got that, considering how many I've gone through, but I could probably find a blog entry where I talk about it. I think I'm going to go scan my blog for that. Okay, I'm done with that. I think I got it about two and a half years ago. Ish. So, I have a cell phone that is capable of surfing the internet, playing music, and taking pictures, but I still manage to find reasons to use my laptop, iPod, and digital camera.

But it gets better. Last night (technically this morning) after I passed my Driver's Ed final exam (YES! LEARNER'S PERMIT, HERE I COME!), I decided I was in the mood for an impulse buy. A couple months ago, I came into some money. And I still had some of that money left. So, after finding out that Flip Camera had decided to self-terminate due to the fact that people have video cameras on their cellphones and they don't want a separate device for taking videos, I thought to myself, "Omigosh, I have a cellphone but I LOVE having separate devices for doing things my cellphone is perfectly capable of." So I kind of bought, for a really good price, one of the last Flip cameras left. So, in three to five business days, I will have four electronic devices that do things that my cellphone does.

TO CONCLUDE, my non-tech savvy self is the owner of four, soon to be five, electronic devices (six if you count my TV that doesn't have cable) and an active user of eight websites (Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, Blogger, SparkNotes, AIM, Skype), and I have not finished my term paper. Not even close.

AND if you are worried about my website usage, Facebook is usually open in case one of my friends comes online. Usually it is just there, on my computer screen, unused. The same goes for Twitter, Tumblr, AIM, and Skype. The problem only occurs when my friends are online, but since they all have more important things to do then talk to me, it isn't usually a problem. UNLESS we are all procrastinating on the same assignment. Then it's a problem. SparkNotes and Blogger I check, deal with, and then sign off from. So even though I actively participate in all seven of those websites, it really isn't that time consuming. Currently, YouTube is the worst because the vlogbrothers have over 800 videos, and I haven't seen all of them yet. BUT due to the fact that I am a woman and can multi-task, I usually just have YouTube on in the background while I do something else mildly important. I rarely focus on YouTube. Netflix, however, is something I give my undivided attention too.

And then there's reading. And although reading recreationally isn't always the best use of my time, I don't feel bad about it because reading is good for you, and more people should try it.

Happy birthday to William I of Orange (who says I haven't been studying for Euro? This guy and his wife took over England after Cromwell got executed. And I'm pretty sure he was Dutch. Yeah?), Shirley MacLaine, Barbara Streisand (*bows down in a similar fashion I did to Shakespeare*), Jean-Paul Gaultier, Cedric the Entertainer, and Kelly Clarkson. I hope your days were more productive then mine.

P.S. I have school in exactly nine hours. *HEADDESK*

P.P.S. The answer to yesterday's joke: "Out, out, brief candle." LAWLZ IT'S SO FUNNEH!

An Average Day in the Life (otherwise known as an average day in the past week of my life)

Spring break has always been a trying time in my existence, for it is a time that tests the extremities of how bored I can be and to what extremes I will go to entertain myself. If you have been reading this blog since the beginning, you will know that I really dislike spring break, because generally I lie at home by myself while all my friends go gallivanting around the globe and have fabulous adventures. So, I am going to do a spring break recap for all of you, just so you can see how perfectly average my life is. Or is it?

On Saturday I finally convinced my mom (after weeks and weeks of trying) that it would be a wise usage of her time to drive me to Culver City, which is approximately 45 minutes away from the location of my home, so I can see some of my friends (that I have not seen in quite some time) from the program I participated in at Center Theatre Group. HOWEVER, unbeknown to us when I Google-mapped my friend Emily's home, there was a shit load of construction of the freeway exit to get there. It took my mom over an hour and a half to get me to Emily's house, and when I got there not only was I 45 minutes late, but I was the first person to arrive. To give you an idea of the extremity of the situation, my friend Garrison who lives about 15 minutes away from the locale of this party drove himself there, and when he arrived over an hour after he left his home, he was practically shaking due to the traumatic experience of driving through road construction.

But anyway, the party turned out to be pretty fun. Out of the twenty possible invited guests, only five were there (including the host), and two had to leave rather quickly. So I just spent the evening with Emily and Garrison, and we had a jolly good time.

On Sunday my family and I embarked on an adventure... to the glorious city of Palm Desert. Because, my friends, this is where my mother's parental units reside and we intended to spend at least part of the Jewish celebration of Passover with my mom's side of the family. And I have to say, it definitely wasn't as bad as it could have been. I mean, I was kind of bored which gave me time to finish reading John Green's An Abundance of Katherines, which was quite enjoyable and I highly recommend it, and it also allowed me to realize that I really, really need to study for the impending doom that is my AP Euro exam (less than two weeks. holy crap.) But, my family members were pleasant to be around for the majority of the Sunday and Monday I spent with them, which is definitely more than I can say for other visits to the grand-parental residence.

Tuesday was a semi-eventful day. As I was laying (lying?) on my couch watching a recording of Jeopardy, I received a phone call from Nicki, who alerted me to the fact that she was at the park across the street from my house. I quickly pulled on non-pajamic articles of clothing and hurried over to the park. There I had a picnic with Nicki and various members of her immediate and extended family. This picnic consisted of matzah. Great.

From the park I was picked up by Julia, in all her learner's-permitted glory, and we picked up some Nutella in order to properly spend the day together leading up to the second Seder. We had a fun day of friendship and awesome, and at the Seder I got to play with a really cute baby. And in case you didn't know, playing with really cute babies is one of my many joys in life.

After the Seder ended, Sophie decided to invite herself over to my house because her television failed and forgot to record Glee. Needless to say, Sophie ended up crashing at my pad. In the morning, Arielle came over to wake us up and then we walked over to Sophie's house for a day of nerdfighting. If you don't know what that is, I highly recommend heading over to www.youtube.com/vlogbrothers and figure it out. This day included making the most amazingly epic shirts I have ever had the pleasure to participate in making. I will consider posting a picture of mine eventually, but for now I will just describe it. Across the front it bares the initial-ism DFTBA. It is NOT an acronym, because an acronym implies that you can pronounce it, as in you do not say every individual letter, but read it like a word. Example: NATO. Literally, that was the first thing that popped into my mind. In the bottom left hand corner of the shirt, there is a cartoon giraffe. On the right sleeve, there is an elephant with a fractal inside while the left sleeve contains a mustache. Across the upper back we each wrote our code names for each other, and underneath the symbol for the deathly hallows. I know, you can't contain yourself with so much epic, but you will just have to deal.

That night Arielle slept over, we watched the hit Disney Channel original movie Lemonade Mouth, among other activities, and in the morning she went home. The rest of the weekend is pretty much down hill from there. Considering that afternoon I went to a funeral. And needless to say it really, really sucked, so I don't want to get into that. But it wasn't a good time.

Yesterday and toady have been... lazy. Basically, the last 48 hours have been painfully boring. Yesterday I was so bored I fail to put in words how bored I was. I started calling people who I knew wouldn't pick up the phone just so I can leave them voice-mails, which allowed me to effectively talk to myself without actually talking to myself, and thus not being clinically insane. However, this experience has caused me to discern that bored dialing is practically synonymous with drunk dialing. I do not advise it.

So, in these 48+ hours of utter boredom, what have I achieved? Well, I have not furthered progress on my essay I complained about a week or two ago, nor have I crammed anymore European history into my already packed mind. But let's not dwell on that. Let's dwell on the fact that I am now less than a chapter and a half from completing my driver's education (yay!) and I have now watched every single YouTube video ever posted to the channel charlieissocoollike (yay?). It was totally worth the waste of time, considering Charlie McDonnell is beautiful and British and funny and nerdy and wonderful. And his videos fill me with joy, as do the vlogbrothers videos I am currently watching now that I have seen every charlieissocoollike video. I love the vlogbrothers too, for they are freakin hilarious.

I can't believe I have to go back to school in less than 36 hours. Shit. Shit shit shit.

Happy birthday to the amazing, never-to-be-matched, genius man that was William Shakespeare. *bows down* And also, it is the day of birth of James Buchanan (that's pronounced like byoo-can-in, not buck-ah-nan), Johann Karl Friedrich Rosenkratz (I don't know who you are, but that name is completely phenomenal), Shirley Temple, Michael Moore, Valerie Bertinelli, George Lopez, Kal Penn, and Dev Patel.

P.S. Currently I have 8 tabs open on my computer. It is not necessary that you know what they are, just that you know that they are there, and that I, as a woman, am capable of concentrating on all 8 of these tabs, even though shortly 2 will be closed, and 2 I don't have actively pay attention to, so really, I am only concentrating on 4 tabs. Also, I watched The Wizard of Oz today, which never fails to amaze me in it's amazingness. I love it.

P.P.S. What does Shakespeare say when he blows out the candles on his birthday cake? Answer will be in next blog.

Yes, I am turning into one of those horrible people who does everything. Nice to meet you.

My entire life I've been jealous of the people who seemingly have it all. They're in all honors classes, play varsity sports, have some form of artistic capability, and can eat as much junk food as the want without gaining any weight. I am not one of these people. I only take the honors classes I care about (i.e. everything except math and science, because as much as I find the two subjects interesting, I can never really understand them), I have absolutely none of the hand-eye coordination or general coordination required to play a sport, I have a limited artistic capability that allows me to participate sparingly in theatre and choir related activities, and no, I cannot eat junk food without gaining weight.

However, I realize that my packed junior year schedule may give some the mindset that I am turning into one of these people. Everyday it seems I add another prospective activity to my list of things that I want to do next year. I am already signed up for eight courses (a 'normal' student takes six, I am taking a zero period before school [oy vey] and I take Hebrew at my temple twice a week after school [another oy vey]), three of which are honors/AP/IB and five of which contribute to my academic GPA, two of which are math and science (which as previously stated, I kind of am not-too-great at), and the other two are advanced level performing arts classes.

I'm realizing this sounds a lot like bragging. Screw it, it's a stress release to sort out my priorities.

Additionally, I am running for Drama Board, which is basically a group of seven theatre kids who control drama club and all the student run theatre activities. If I get onto that, that would be great. I'm planning a really kickass speech. Plus, I am applying and interviewing to be in my schools Link Crew, which is a group that helps freshman become more acclimated to the campus and such. My Link Leaders really sucked, so I am going to try and be the awesomest link leader ever to make up for their failures. ALSO, I plan on becoming re-involved in the Jewish Student Union (I wasn't this year because I kind of forgot it existed) and tracking down the English Honors Society, because I heard that existed and I would really like to be a part of it.

I also will continue to spend at least one hour a week volunteering at the Friendship Circle, if not more, because that is an organization that I have been involved in for many years and it is extremely important to me. In case you didn't know, the Friendship Circle is an organization that gives special needs children an outlet to make friends in a variety of different fashions, and I have been involved since the chapter in my area was formed in 2002. Yeah, it's pretty awesome.

And as previously stated, I have Hebrew twice a week after school. I was going to apply for jobs, but I've decided that's not important. Oh, I almost forgot! I take my SATs and ACTs next year! Joy of joys!

So, with all that going on, let's decide what sacrifices I am going to make. Next year I will NOT:

• sleep
• eat
• watch TV (except Bones, I can give up everything except Bones)
• read for pleasure (sobs rack through my body)
• use social networking websites during the school week (I am going to try, really!)
• have a social life

However, I feel like not having a social life won't be that big of a deal due to all the activities I am involving myself in. I will constantly be with friends, so it doesn't really matter that we won't be spending that much time together in an unplanned, pressure free situation. Right?

Happy Earth Day (I'm currently typing this with all the lights in my room off, no joke!) and happy birthday to Vladmir Lenin AND Alexander Kerensky (OMG I HAVE TO TELL MY EURO TEACHER THEY SHARE A BIRTHDAY) and J. Robert Oppenheimer. It's funny, because we just finished learning about the Russian Revolution and now we are moving on to World War II. Oh, how I love ironically appropriate historical birthday buddies.

P.S. I am very loosely considering auditioning for my school's improv team. I've auditioned before and have been (sadly) denied, and I know they always encourage people to retry.... I just don't know. Advice?

P.P.S. I sure used a lot of parentheses in this post.

THIS IS MY JAM

One of my favorite feelings in the entire world is when you're listening to music, possibly in a public location, and a certain song comes one. This song just invades you and reaches your inner dancing freak, your head start to nod, your feet start to move, and you hear yourself saying, "This. Is. My. Jam."

I actually have quite a few jams, partially due to my random and eclectic taste in music. However, my four main jams have gotten me through so much. Besides the ability to bring out that crazy dancer side of me (See: Standing in the Corner, Sipping my V8), these songs can get me through anything. When I'm in a bad mood or stressed out, I just go to the YouTube, listen to one of these songs, and let it all out until I feel better. I will now brief you on my jams:

1. "F*** You" by Cee Lo Green: I know what you're all thinking. 'So overplayed! Totally mainstream! We thought you were indie!' Well, newsflash guys: I'm not. I kind of just do whatever I think is fun. And this song is amazing. It's just SO catchy and it doesn't sound like it's from 2010. It has an older feel, and I heard from someone it's a remake, but I don't think that's true. I just like the song, ok!

2. "Single Ladies" by Beyonce: I'm just digging my mainstream hole deeper and deeper aren't I? Anyway, Beyonce is phenomenal. I think that when I'm all old and decrepit and I befriend some youngin' who think they're really cool by listening to music that was cool a million years ago, they will be listening to Lady Gaga and Beyonce. And this song in particular is practically and anthem for all us 'single ladies' out there (ding ding ding, we have a winner for the most cliché sentence I have ever written). Even though Beyonce's married, I appreciate the sentiment.

3. "You're Making My Dreams Come True" by Hall and Oates: I will admit that I am not a true Hall and Oates fan and I just know this song from (500) Days of Summer. But that doesn't make it less of an amazing song. I'm realizing know how hard it is to describe the music I like... it's just bouncy and carefree and awesome and I love it. That's all I have to say on the subject.

AND NOW, FOR THE ULTIMATE JAM

4. "Wannabe" by The Spice Girls: Do I even have to explain? This girl power jam of the '90s is enough to make every teenage girl in a five mile radius start jumping and reciting all the lyrics. And they're British, which makes everything better.

I just needed to get that out of my system. I'm under a lot of stress right now.

Happy birthday to Anthony Michael Hall, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Graham Phillips, and Abigail Breslin.

Funny, just yesterday I was listening to 13: The Musical for the first time in AGES. In case you didn't know, that show starred Graham Phillips, who I kind of love. Just a little bit.

Green Apples

For pretty much my entire life, as long as I can remember, my favorite fruit has been strawberries. I still LOVE strawberries, but right now, I think green apples are encroaching on them in favoritism. Here's why:

Strawberries are very inconsistent in quality. It is far too easy to stumble upon a bad strawberry. They can be too mushy or too hard or too cold or too small.... there is just so much margin for era. Green apples, if not bruised, are almost always perfect. It probably helps that I pick them out myself at the grocery store, but green apples are so perfectly crunchy and tangy and wonderful. I just love 'em. I don't even like red apples at all. Sometimes I like the red and yellow ones, I never like yellow ones, but green ones are always amazing. Except the ones from Costco. But otherwise they are always amazing.

Sometimes it feels like green apples are the one consistent aspect of my life. When every day brings new challenges and situation, it feels really good to be able to take out my lunch after a long, stressful morning and pull at a green apple. Which reminds me, I am very obsessive compulsive about how I eat my lunch. I always eat my sandwich, fruit, salty snack, and then sweet snack. I never eat them out of order and I never start eating one and then stop to eat something else. It just doesn't work that way.

That's pretty much my whole shpiel on green apples and lunch-eating. Yes, I acknowledge that I am not normal.

Happy birthday to Thomas Jefferson (a personal favorite as far as the presidents go), and Lanford Wilson (I actually just saw his play Burn This on Sunday, and I really liked it).

Pretty much all my music department friends are going to Chicago tomorrow for a competition. Needless to say, I'm ditching choir.

Issues

So I have this issue. Actually, I have many issues, but that is currently beside the point. I have this issue, and I need to talk about it and so I will write about. Duh. What ever. Ok. I'll get on with it now.

I have found that I am incapable of doing anything for myself. That makes me sound like a horribly selfless person, which I'm not. What I mean is, I am not afraid of disappointing myself, so I just do. I'm afraid of disappointing other people, because I'm scared of other people and I want them to like me. However, as I have learned in recent times, I am not a scary person. Every time I try to act scary I come off as a cross between a sad puppy and an angry five year old. And since I unfortunately see myself as that, I'm not afraid of myself because I know that I won't punish myself, so I don't do anything myself wants me to do. Get it? Good, because I don't really either. Let me offer an example.

Yesterday was my half birthday. Yes, half birthdays are completley stupid and have no significance, but yesterday was my fifteen and a half birthday. I turned FIFTEEN POINT FIVE. Which, if you were unaware, means I am now old enough to have a learner's permit in the state of California, which happens to be where I currently reside. I'm younger than most of my friends, so I am currently one of the few who doesn't know how to drive. I had promised myself that on my half birthday I would be ready to take the permit test. I haven't even started driver's ed.

I'm not able to push myself. I'm supposed to have a large portion of my term paper finished tomorrow (in rough draft form) but right now that's total shit. COMPLETE and total shit. And I'm good at writing, right? I like to believe this blog is mildly enjoyable. But my term paper on Lord of the Flies, a book I actually enjoyed, unlike last semester's The Canterbury Tales currently stinks like a steaming pile of giraffe shit. I took artistic license for that last sentence and assumed that giraffe shit smells bed when it steams. Because my essay sure does.

See, but that disappointment scares me because I don't want to disappoint my English teacher, and thus get a bad grade, and thus not get into college. But you see, there's a little voice in the back of my head saying, "It's just a rough draft! She probably won't even check it! Bullshit something!" But I can't. I mean, I can.

I wish I could just read books all the time. I don't like these stupid allegorical analyses of Lord of the Flies. I don't really care. I liked the book, okay? Why do I have to go and over complicate it?

I'm kind of having a neurotic freak out session right now. Just a little bit. Agh.

Happy birthday to Commodore Matthew Perry (NOT the Friends actor), Joseph Pulitzer, Mandy Moore, Haley Joel Osment, Amanda Michalka, and other people who might be considered important in some cultures.

Today is the anniversary of the Titanic setting sail on it's doomed voyage. That's how I feel with this frikken essay.